I keep a Caring-bridge page for Jesse's update's. He has Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, or at least did have it. He was diagnosed on August 28, 2008. We have been fighting the battle against the big "C" word for 5 months now. The updates I give on the other site are very accurate and true, I don't really sugar coat any information... but the things I don't say are the things I'm screaming to say.. so here goes..
Cancer Sucks!! It does.. even a little bit of cancer sucks. Jesse does have only a little bit. The tumor in his belly was the size of a small football, so that part was huge. So big in fact that it wrapped around his bowel causing too much pressure resulting in a hole. Basically it popped his bowel.... wow, how big does that have to be? Of course there were other contributing factors and the details were not pretty, but for about two weeks I think I was pretty sure we were going to loose our precious baby... That was a stupid time I unfortunately won't soon forget. (Back to the part about only a "little bit"...) One tumor in the world of cancer is really only a little bit.. not matter how big the intruder, it's only a" little bit" if it's only one tumor... Many times with lymphoma it can spread to your whole Lymph system causing tumors all over your body, or spread to your blood stream so you have cancer cells floating freely and randomly throughout your blood stream... now that's a lot of cancer..
I say it sucks because even if it's only a little bit... it's still life consuming. Thought consuming, time consuming, energy consuming, stress consuming, sleep, work, play, school, emotionally consuming and the list goes on.. I'm positive that not one second in the past five months has been about anything other than cancer... Can you imagine if he had something really, really bad? I've seen really, really bad... I CAN compare... But... because of the fact the I have seen the worst (and it's not us)... and it is only a little bit of cancer... I don't really feel entitled to be as upset as I actually do... and that part is the suckiest!!! (does that count as a word?) Being the grown up sometimes bites when you are the mom....
Yes, it sucks for Jesse, his beautiful hair, and eyelashes are gone.. the color of his skin sometimes look like ash and the dark circles around his eyes remind me of those kids you see on the paid advertisements on TV for 'Save the Children'.. But, for the most part, he actually feels better than he did the months prior to his diagnosis... Which is wonderful to see and he has made so many friends with his nurses, and he has Gage... who, for Jesse has made this whole experience bearable, even fun...
For me... it' s not all bad either. I have three of the most fabulous friends on the planet. The four of us are one pair of traveling pants away from a major motion picture. A Sisterhood that would be far more epic than anything YaYa or magic pants wearing... I love them and they are a wonderful warm pile of rocks for me... (but that's a different post completely). And my husband.. boy did I hit the mother-load there... a man every woman wants and I have. He's amazingly strong, and caring and sensitive and supportive. I am truly the luckiest woman on the planet when it comes to family and friends. And a bit sappy huh???
The chemo period in the Fontenot household is almost over (I think) Jesse has scans on Thursday and hopefully that will be it... the tumor should be gone. If it's not, we'll cross that bridge next week... but if it is, we close the treatment door and open the maintenance one.. For the rest of his life we will be visiting the cancer clinic along with transplant clinic for regular check-ups... could be worse I guess... Yes.. it could be a lot worse.. I still say it SUCKS!!
No comments:
Post a Comment