Some friends of mine moved out of Salt Lake several years back, they liked the new place well enough but constantly missed the family and friends they left behind. This feeling was shared with us before we made the big move to Oregon but we were so "on board" I think we though that would never be us..... And it's not really.. I LOVE it here.. I love every little thing about Oregon, especially Newberg where we live. It's beautiful here even in the dead of winter, the sky is always clean and smelling of outdoorsy smells (even skunk frequently, which I'm not so fond of).. I love driving into Portland and seeing the amazing view of Mt. Hood and the river, and I've become so attached to the Fremont Bridge I can't imagine not using it. The bridge takes us right to the doorstep of the hospital where I am constantly reminded of the things I am thankful for. It sort of serves as my personal reality check station... where I'm forced to think about all things good and bad.. and realize my appreciation for both.
But lately, since December I think, I have been longing for a previous time... My older kids are busy, and I love that about them, they are ambitious and motivated and living full lives like all adult kids should be. I'm proud of them and only want for them the best of what they want for themselves. I totally support them and their decisions because they are smart, good kids and have plans any parent would admire. So, even if I were in Salt Lake, they would still be moving on and I know this.. But it's even Jesse too...
This morning he gave me a full report on the life and times of Helen Keller... and filled me in on all the ways she was an amazing woman and told me the book they read in school was "pretty awesome"... Seems like just yesterday we were reading the Yummy Yucky book.. Then, just before school I made him pull up his shirt so that I could rub some lotion on his dry itchy chest and back and he said to me... "Mom, do you have to embarrass me with that lotion?" WHAT? He has never cared about stuff like that... Then he proceeded to tell me that a girl can't ask a boy to be girlfriend/boyfriend... it's the boy's decision... AHHHH SLOW DOWN!!! I am so totally overloaded with my children's apparent overnight maturing I simply can't take it anymore.. Someone please hit the pause button before I have a total meltdown..
I miss baby Jesse, tween Jamie and little boy Aaron.. I never got enough time with any of them.. It feels like I just met them and now they are all grown up.. and I love the people they are today for sure.. They are all great friends and wonderful children still... so I rejoice in my new people, but seem to be mourning the ones that are gone..
So it's not the move that's got me feeling sort of blah... although what I would give to have my family back in the same city... (I just want it to be THIS city..) it's just the natural progression of time that I seem to be angry at..
I'm sure I'm not the only parent to suffer this same of out of control fast forward feeling.. As a matter of fact, I know my own parents have felt this way too.. I suppose it's just my turn.. But it's not fun and I just don't like it...
To make things worse, I'm going back to work full time which will take even more time away from my little man who seems to speeding to adulthood.. I remember the days of being a working mom... As soon as the morning alarm goes off, it's a race against the clock to get to bed... but on the other hand, I suppose it will be good to get my mind busy so that I don't focus on such things...
I am constantly reminded by some very special angels that it could be much worse... I am glad my children are here... a phone call away, or parked in front of the TV. I can at any time call them up and scold them for growing up so fast.. not all parents are so lucky and I know this.. so today, I am going to call my big kids and hug my little ones, then I'm going to go park myself on the Freemont Bridge and try to get a better perspective on things...
Maybe this is the effect of a rainy Oregon winter... good thing spring is almost here~
I hear ya! It's hard to live so far away from the people you care about most. I always tell my family I would love if we all lived close, but then I have to remind them they would need to move to Seattle or Bellingham because I'm not living in Idaho Falls. Blech! Jesse is so cute, you still have plenty of time before the dreaded teenage years when you start to 'ruin his life'! :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the full time job!