Allie's Random Life

The right time....

2011-05-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will mark Jesse's 8th transplant anniversary. What an amazing happy day for him. I know he doesn't really get it today, but some day I know he will cherish this day as much as his dad and I do. It's a day to remember how fragile life can be, what a gift life really is, and a true reminder that strangers can be some of the biggest hero's in our lives. While it's a big deal, and a special day on our calendar, we don't really do anything to celebrate except talk about how great Jesse's life is thanks to his donor family.

8 years is a long time, can truly be considered a success story in the world of child transplants, especially for a bowel. We have been blessed with an almost perfect record of no rejection or organ related issues. I feel confident that he will use these precious gift for a good long time. I feel sure they will see him through driving a car, graduating from high school, college and even to his wedding. If well cared for, I don't believe his gifted liver or bowel will fail him ever.

Jesse's story is one of the few that turn out really happy, I'm afraid to say I know a whole lot more kids that it hasn't worked out for, that have never seen an 8 year anniversary. Our family knows first hand how tragic a chronic illness can be. Although I feel super positive about Jesse's future, it's never completely out of my mind that things could change for him at a moment's notice. That he is really never completely out of the woods. I guess that's no different than any other parent. I myself almost didn't see 18 years, and I was a completely healthy child. But still, as Jesse continues to grow, it makes me think.....

What is the right age to let him move into a more mature person... I realize the correct answer is "when he's ready".... but will I know that when I see it? I'm not sure.

Here are a few of the things I'm challenged with regarding timing...

At what age does he get to stay home alone while I run to the store?
Go on a date with my husband?
At what age does he get to go alone to his friends house around the corner or to the park?
When do I tell him to "be home before dark"?
Walk the dog in our neighborhood where I can't see him?
Stay in the car while I run in the bank?
Let him ride in the front seat?
Get a cell phone?
How long should I keep his teeth? I have a bag full of little brown teeth... what do I do with that?
Have the talk about where babies come from?
Have the talk about Santa?
Change his bedtime to 9:00?

These are just a few of the things that feel really scary to me, yet I'm not completely oblivious to the fact that they are all part of the "tween", becoming more self sufficient and mature stage of development. If someone could give me the Instruction Guide to Jesse's Development, I would be forever grateful... I would read it and re-read it. I know that other kids his age have already hit some of these milestones, so does that mean I'm not letting Jesse do things he should be doing? Am I too controlling? Probably, but is that really a bad thing? Thank goodness I don't need any answers today, I'm in no hurry... but for some things... Jesse sure is..

I would love to hear what some of you think?

For today and tomorrow, I'll just be thanking God for Jesse. For my big kids and their kids. It's an amazing feeling to be a parent and I truly appreciate the gift, no matter how it happened for me, or who gave them to me.. (because for me, there were many, many people involved in making me a parent, it's a miracle really... ;)

To our donor family... I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry I never had the opportunity to properly thank you. I'm sorry I never got to hear your story. I'm sorry you don't get to stress over these timing issues with your child, and I'm sorry your loss is my gain, it's not exactly natural and a hard reality for me to accept. But I am forever grateful for your gift, I never forget that you and your family are behind our health and happiness, and I will never let Jesse forget. Much love to you on this day, your hardest day each year. I'm praying for peace and comfort for you today.

To the rest of you... Thank you for your support and love through the years. I wouldn't be sitting here today considering Jesse in these ways without most all of you. You have all touched our lives in one way or another. I love you and appreciate you all!!

Happy Transplant Day Jesse!! Save a life like his.... Be an organ donor!!

If it's not one thing... it's an allergy!!

2011-03-31T11:22:00.000-07:00

Life has been rough in our home for some time. Jess has been feeling, well, poopy for lack of a better work. It started back in December with some belly aches after he eats, needing to lie down for a bit. If you know Jesse and his relationship with food, this shouldn't come as a surprise. He eats more than a grown man, eventually it should start to give him a belly ache.. So I didn't really think much of it..

But it continued and eventually started getting worse and I noticed it wasn't from over eating, he was hardly eating at all and now complaining even in between meals.. but still playing and enjoying life. I remember thinking that he didn't complain once when we were in SLC for Aaron's wedding so thankfully he must be over it... but actually he was just NOT complaining because he was too busy enjoying his time with Adrienne... As soon as we got on the plane he confessed he had been feeling bad.. hummm...

This sort of continued for the next few weeks, being sick when it was just us, but playing normal when he was with his friends or if we were doing something fun... I started getting really worried about our old "haunts" rejection, cancer... you know, little stuff like that that can sneak up on you slowly... so we began a process of elimination..

You will be happy to know he is completely cancer free and experiencing NO rejection!! Yay..

But, we did find he has much damage in his esophagus and stomach.. at first we though it was acid reflux and started him on medicine to treat this problem. By this point he as become much worse and was missing a lot of school and even sleep at night. I started wondering if he was depressed, faking, or just fooling around... again, it sort of came and went.. weird. After a month on meds he was still missing school and laying around on the couch most of the day... So I got desperate and scaled him back to the BRAT diet... You know the one... Banana's, rice, applesauce and toast. I knew this was a diet for nausea, but I didn't care, it was easy on the tummy and that's all I had room to care about. He won't eat toast, so basically it was a BRA diet.. After a week I could see an improvement... Yay!! My goal was to get his guts healed from all the irritation and damage. In theory, healing, along with meds should enable him to resume his normal diet. But, I kept having these nagging questions in the back of my mind... Why acid reflux? why now? What's causing it?

I began sneaking food back in and he began complaining again... After dragging him back to the doctor, we decided to do some blood allergy tests... They came back horribly positive... as in HE'S ALLERGIC TO FOOD!!! Panic set in, what if he's allergic to all foods?

Side Note: Remember how he developed a massive cancerous tumor in his belly because the anti-rejection medicine he takes to keep his body from rejecting his new organs sort of messed with his cell building process and caused something to go wacky? (which we know is how cancer is started.. cell's gone wacky..) Well, same concept.. same med, same malfunction of the cells. This time anti-bodies are produced against common foods causing allergies... ugh!!

Off to an allergist for skin testing.. which is a very long story all on it's own, but to give you the readers digest version, he has many food allergies. But is NOT allergic to food in general. Thank Goodness!! His list of no tolerance foods are as follows... No, beans, peanuts, green peas, wheat, soy, eggs, chicken, turkey, pork or tomatoes.. 11 item, but if you'll notice, they are items that are in almost EVERY food a kid likes to eat... and while I appreciate knowing NOT to feed him these foods, I'm positive there are still more.. we just haven't found them yet.. So, we are now gluten-free in our house. Which is the biggest change I guess. Soy and eggs are in almost all processed foods if you read the label. And of course eating out is off the table, fast food, pizza, spaghetti and worst of all sausage!! Our only saving grace here is that he can have cheese... and so I feed him a lot of cheese right now. He can have beef and fish as a protein and corn and rice as a grain... very limited options for providing dinner at the end of the day, not to mention breakfast and oh, yes... no school lunch either, so there is that little chore too..

Have you ever tried to buy foods that are free of everything?? They exists for sure, but I will have to sell Jesse just to pay for them.. ;-) I feel confused and frustrated. Since I've been trying to eliminate every food he's allergic to he's been feeling much better, which makes me so happy. But on the other hand, things have slipped through almost every other day and he's still had many bouts of feeling lousy.

We are feeling challenged right now, but I do see a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I realize things could be worse than food allergies... but try to tell that to Jesse. He's definitely mourning some much loved comfort foods right now. Poor fella. I know this is just a learning curve for all of us and we work through this as we have all other obstacles, but it feels a bit overwhelming right now...

Please, don't send McDonalds... ;)

P.S. I have developed some very yummy cookies and brownies without wheat or eggs... now to find foods that are actually nutritious.. :-) A gals got to have priorities right??

Some recent pics...

2011-01-20T10:54:00.001-08:00

These pics posted backwards and I'm struggling to get them in order so I gave up..

Our cute son Aaron was married!! He married Demitri on January 14th. We were able to be there and had a great time seeing everyone and sharing this day with our kids!! Congratulations to the happy couple!

Here are some cute pictures of our cute grandson Killian. It's amazing how fast they grow. He's wonderful and amazing. It's hard to put words to how much you can love someone you have only met twice! There is nothing like being a grandparent!

Jesse getting some special time with his Peeps!!

Jesse got some TaeKwonDo lessons for Christmas. He's LOVING them and looks so cute while practicing.. We'll see where this leads... HIYA!!!

Of course we celebrated Christmas too. It was a good year. Steve's family was able to visit from Utah and that was fun. Also Jesse was in a play at our church. He was amazing and so much fun to watch, he even had a small solo. I think it was his favorite part of this past season.
We gave a lot to help others this year, which has helped us enjoy the season in ways we have not experienced before. I have really come to love that part of Christmas. Thanks Markelle for inspiring us to do more with the time we have here!!

Jesse got to have a sleepover with his cute cousins right before Christmas.. We decorated cookies and drank hot chocolate. It was a super fun time for all the kids!!

This was Jesse's Christmas helping project. He did most of it himself and was very happy and proud to do it. Way to go Jess!!

I have not felt up to blogging recently.. Usually I'm all hot air and chatty... maybe I'll perk up in the new year!!

Happy 2011 everyone!! We love you and miss you all so much!

My Little Gamer!!

2010-11-15T15:57:00.000-08:00

Proof that Jesse still thinks the whole world is his personal game board...

Jesse: "mom, when will the date be 10-10-10 again?"

Me: "not for a very long time... let's see, 2110... That's like 100 years from now"

Jesse: "will I still be alive?"

Me: "I don't think so, humans don't really live that many years, if you were, you would be 109"

Jesse: "who knows, maybe I'll be the first to break the high score record"

~I love him!!

Autumn

2010-10-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

Autumn, or Fall as some call it, is upon us. The little valley where I live is in a magnificent explosion of colors. It's a new experience every day. This time if year is both my MOST favorite and my LEAST favorite. I can't really explain it except to say that no other time of year makes me happier to be alive while at the same time makes me seriously contemplate the direction of my life, sadness and loss. This time of year brings out the best and worst in me... for many reasons.

These are the reasons I love the Autumn time:

~The colors.... Red, Yellow, Orange and every shade in between.
~Blankets of leaves on the streets and sidewalks. They make the most
delightful crunching sound when you walk on them.
~ Pumpkin, corn stalks and hay bail decorations
~ Candy Corn, Ginger and Pumpkin flavors
~ Costumes
~ Cold nights and warm days
~ Cooking comfort foods like stew and chili and shepherds pie.
~ Walking in the rain
~ Dressing in layers
~ The wonderful smells of burning leaves, fresh rain and cooking turkeys

These are the reasons I don't like this time of year:

~ Spelling word ;-P
~ Shorter days
~ Waking up in the dark
~ Flu Shots
~ No more spontaneous "What should we do today?" days
~ Watching negative campaign ads
~ Muddy floors
~ No more fresh veggies in the garden
~ Anticipating the holidays without my grand kids

and finally.....

~ The silent reminder of constant change, children grow-up,
adults age and people of all ages die.

While Spring is the time for cleaning out the house and garage, Fall seems to be the time to clean out the garbage inside me. Reflection seems to be the theme this particular Autumn... My favorite way to reflect is to curl up on a park bench with a pumpkin spice late and a bag of candy corn and watch the leaves blow. I'm going to make time for that in the coming week... right after my flu shot ;-P

Happy Fall Everyone!!

The Big Event!!

2010-10-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

Killian James Fontenot
September 24th, 2010
8lbs 20-1/2 inches

Okay, now this baby is super cute! I know what you are saying, babies are not cute, they look like, just babies, aliens, wrinkled little pigeons... well, maybe some babies look like that, but this one is really pretty perfect. His face is round and eyes are big and his skin is smooth and soft. He has the most adorable little hair line and makes a grumpy face that is, in fact, quite adorable. He was born on Friday September 24th at 12:48 pm... but his momma and daddy started the whole "labor" process on Wednesday evening at 7:00 pm. He took his own sweet time making his debut. I think he was trying to build anticipation. His Gramz (Carole and I) and Papa were certainly filled with it by the time he finally decided to show his little face. My hats off to Demitri, she was a trooper and looked amazing after 40 hours of labor. Aaron stood by his gal the entire time and was a proud daddy when he finally got to hold his little buddy. This is a tight little family and I for one am very proud of them. I wish I lived close to them so I could love on both my grand kids any time I want,, It's much harder than I ever thought it would be to have 2 babies I can't hug any time I need to...

We did make it to SLC for the birth. While we were always planning to go there for a visit, the timing was very last minute, since Killian was 9 days late, we had a difficult time deciding the right time to head out. We were only able to be there for just a few days because of Jesse's school. We spent most of the time waiting to see our grandson, so unfortunately we were not able to visit as much as we sort of hoped we would. I guess we were so caught up in the excitement that we didn't feel the pain of not seeing everyone until we got home. If we didn't get to see you, or didn't get to see you ENOUGH, (because that happened too), I am truly sorry.

Now I'm not sure when we will get back to see everyone. But, we WILL get back, and next time I'll make sure we see everyone we missed. But please know, our home is always open if you ever make it up to our neck of the woods. If you would like to plan a trip, now would be the good time, this area is the most beautiful in the fall. It's views are breathtaking! I feel blessed every time I leave my house right now. Consider this your written invitation for a visit!!

In addition to baby Killian, back to school is happening at our house and we are very excited. Jesse started the 3rd grade on Sept, 7th... sort of later than our friends in SL. He is loving Mrs. Buck's class and is full of gossip about 9 year old friendship drama. He considers himself the 3rd grade problem solver. I hope he works as hard on his spelling and math as he does counseling on the playground. He's starting a drama class after school in October. I think it will be good for him and I hope he likes it. But he loves singing the most. We recently went to our good friend Tom and Marissa's wedding (Yes, I'm name dropping) after they exchanged vows, they had karaoke and he was ALL about it. He asked the music guy about 50 times if it was time to start singing (I hope that guys was getting paid to talk to Jesse all night ;-) and filled out his song list the minute he sat down. He waited and waited for it to be his turn. It was a great night, and although the room was full of people he appeared to have no fear. He was actually more excited than I have seen him in a long time. I wish I would have gotten it on video. He's definitely going to be an entertainer of some sort.. The wedding was amazing and beautiful and so much fun. I left there with 2 bottles of super yummy hot sauce (I hope I those were for me) and we met some great new people.

That's all I have for now, I actually hope you are still reading. I tend to ramble. Thanks for making it this far!!

~Allie

Good Bye Sweet Summer...

2010-08-17T11:42:00.000-07:00

This has been a great summer... I guess you've noticed I've been a bit busy since I haven't made time to blog since June... But my heart was crying for some time with my family and that is pretty much what I got. So I just soaked up as much time as the summer would offer.

We started the summer with some nice visits from our good friends Jamie, CJ and Ellie, then Amy, and Alex.. Alex was able to stay with us for a few weeks and along with Gage, the 3 Musketeers made all sorts of trouble and mischief. It was wonderful for the boys to reconnect, especially on their new more mature levels.. Then as soon as Alex went home, Adrienne came for a few weeks. I know it goes without saying, but grand kids are just special. She makes our house a bit brighter just by being in it. Since we don't get enough time with her, 3 wonderful weeks was exactly what our hearts were longing for.

We spent a weekend on the coast, I wish I could say "soaking up the sun" but the truth is, it was sort of rough weather, cold and foggy... but no mind.. All my favorite people were there and I couldn't have been happier. We ate yummy food and just enjoyed being together. Steve and I even stole a long walk on the beach.. It was simply perfect.

Steve and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary... I'm so lucky to be married to the greatest guy around!!

Jesse celebrated his 9th birthday... Jesse only get's big parties on the even years, on the odd, he has to suffer just spending time with his family.. Which wasn't hard for him this year.. He was able to get lots and lots of that in, and he was totally content.

But now everyone one has returned home, life is going to resume as normal. School will be starting and our schedules will be busy with our regular routine. I have learned this summer that you can put hundreds of miles between good friends and the ties will only grow stronger. I know this is true for me, Steve and Jesse too.

But the coming months are not really without activity..

Jesse will have another PET scan to check once again for any remaining signs of that nasty tumor, Horrible Harvey. I know he is totally healthy, I feel it in my heart.. but still, there is a fair amount of worry and stress related to these check-up's. On the 28th of this month it will be 2 years since his diagnosis. Time goes by so quickly, but doesn't dull my appreciation for Jesse's life and his time with us. I am all too aware that things could be very different today.

Jesse will start the 3rd grade!! He is getting so big, it's simply hard to get my head around what has happened in my life in the last 7 years!! His new teacher is Mrs. Buck and I believe she has some classroom pets lined up for this school year. Jesse is VERY excited about that.. but you know what you get when you mix Jesse with excitement? TROUBLE!! ;-) Stay tuned!!

Our new grand baby will be making his grand appearance in mid September. His name will be Killian (middle name to be announced later) Fontenot... I'm very excited to meet him. As soon as he arrives, we'll be making a quick trip to Salt Lake to introduce ourselves and love on him as much as possible. I'm so happy that our family is growing, but sad that it's happening in Salt Lake!! ;-) Another person I will miss like crazy!

Thanksgiving will be another Fontenot Full House.. All my Salt Lake people are planning to be here.. I'm so excited and already planning the menu!!

Roughin' it the ACS way...

2010-06-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

This is my big boy Jesse... as he crosses the bridge to 6 days at camp.. All by himself!!

Camp Ukandu is sponsored by the American Cancer Society and is an amazing place for kids who have battled Cancer to come together and just be kids for a while. We took Jesse on Sunday and will pick him up on Saturday. He was so very excited to be going but when we finally got there the real excitement set in I think. The place is simply dreamlike. Where we live it is very wooded and the camp is nestled on a mountain under a forest of trees. I'm fairly sure that if you were to fly over, you would not even know it was there.

Jesse's Cabin

Jesse's Bunk (Of course on top!)

Things I didn't want to know about...

Jesse will get 6 days of arts, crafts, science, horseback riding, canoeing, swimming, archery, games, campfires and more fun than I could pack into a whole summer. He will make new friends and be able to have something in common with every single kid at camp. I'm so happy for Jesse to have this opportunity, he deserves it.. I just hope he wants to come home when it's all done.

Yes, It's true I miss him like crazy, He's been gone one day and I have mailed him 2 letters.. There are also several hidden treats and messages in his bags I hope he finds and enjoys. I spend about every other second thinking about what he might be doing and if he's staying out of trouble... I wonder if he misses me, and if he's okay, and if he's getting his meds, and if people are being nice to him, and blah, blah, blah... more thought from a psycho mom than are probably normal.. but the packet of information they sent says that this is a huge exercise for both parent and child to help regain a more normal relationship after cancer. Normal? What is normal anyway.. I guess it's probably true, I think I can count on 1 hand how many nights I've spent away from Jesse since we brought him home in 2004... I'm thinking we weren't exactly normal before the cancer... =)

I have plans... I have made a list of things I'm going to do while he is at camp.. It goes like this..

1. Sit
2. Watch the news
3. Read a book

YUP... that's pretty much it.. those are the things always think I would do if I didn't have so much Jesse in my life, so those are the things I'm going to do this week.. I guess if those are the only things I can't do so much of because of my precious son, I'm really the winning-est one!!

Speaking of The American Cancer Society.. This past weekend was Relay For Life!!

I'll just go over the highlights because they were good ones...

First our little relay made over $61,000 to help fight the battle against the big "C". Yeah!!

They asked Jesse to speak at the opening ceremonies.. He was very excited and did a great job, but got really nervous and started whispering to himself.. "I forgot, I forgot, what, what, what".. but of course his mouth was on the microphone so everyone heard.. and he tried telling his story and got some of the facts mixed up and ended up saying he had a hole in his belly the size of a football... He totally cracked me up. If they ask him to speak next year, I hope they give us more than an hour notice so that we can actually put something together that makes sense. But he was brave and excited to do it, and it was perfect anyway he did it..

Our Survivors Lap!!

Zoe and Cloe, The twin "Mr. Relay" contestants who dressed up and marched around the track collecting money in their purse.. They raised $121.00 for ACS!! Go Cute Girls.. (I mean boys)

p.s. This is really Jesse and Gage.. Weren't they simply beautiful??

It was a fun weekend and an honor to be part of the festivities again this year.

Well, school is out, we now have a big 3rd grader (shake head)... We have a great summer planned.. We started with a visit from some fabulous girls from Salt Lake!! Jamie, CJ and Ellie, we love you and had the most fun visiting with you!! Amy and Alex arrive this weekend and we are lucky enough to be keeping Alex for a couple of weeks, then we will get Adrienne for a couple of weeks after that!! We couldn't be more thrilled! I've missed my family and am OH, SO excited to spend some time this summer with them all...

Happy Fathers Day to all you dads, especially my cute one!!

We love you all!!

Touch N Brush - Best Of As As Seen On TV

2010-06-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

Jesse has been grounded from the TV... My jaw dropped when I learned that he knows EVERY single word from this commercial. In including all the voice fluctuations and the very fast "small print" verbiage at the end. Why can he be a pro at Touch N Brush, yet still struggle to tell time? He continues to amaze me in ways that sometimes scare me just a little...

Actually it's quite cute, I wish I had a way to post HIM here doing the commercial, He's much better than this guy!!

Tweets, Blogs and Wall Posts...

2010-04-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy blogging, I enjoy facebook too. It's a great way to stay connected... listening to random little thoughts of your friends and family is almost like having a conversation.. although not nearly as personal.. Blogs are fun because you get caught up on all the random BIG thoughts of your friends and family. I find myself thinking... "This person has not posted for a while, I wonder if she's is okay"... and sometimes, I've heard comments about all the useless information that gets posted to these social networking sites as being silly, or dumb or stupid... but for me.. the more random and meaningless the better, and I find myself smiling and saying... "That's just like her to say something like that..." Personally I love it!! But as much as I enjoy reading everyone business, I don't post as much as I would like to.. I think in posts... but I don't really post much.. So here's a big catch up on all that I've been considering posting about but haven't gotten around to doing.. A mash-up of information if you will...

~ TWO BABIES!! That's right folks, I'm going to be a grandma AGAIN!! My son Aaron and his girlfriend Demitri are going to be delivering late this fall and Heidi and Big are expecting right after that! The family just keeps on growing and I'm so excited... Of course this makes me miss my Salt Lake people SOOOO much more knowing a new baby is on the way.. Aaron, you're officially grounded, pack your stuff and GET HOME!!! (and bring Demitri and the baby too :-)

~ BASEBALL!! My Jesse starts Baseball today. His first game is this afternoon. He's actually pretty good from what I can see at practice. He's very excited and when asked what position he wants to play he said... "batter". I'm excited to having him doing something active again, it's been too long.

I love Lee Dewyze!!
Vote for Lee!!

~ I Farm.... I'm a Farmer... This will eventually be salad on my table and I'm so excited I can't stand it!!

~ Funny thing about this plant... When we were in Salt Lake City last July my good friend Merrill gave me this cute little cabbage plant. It didn't really like the 14 hour drive home and sort of just wilted the rest of the season.. but Steve brought it in the house and babied it all winter and now it seems to be happy and strong. It will go into the garden and hopefully produce something yummy for my kitchen table soon...

~ ACS Fundraiser!! I am Co-Team Captain for our Relay For Life team this year so I felt responsible to come up with a fundraiser. We are making these cute pillowcases and selling them. The money will be donated to The American Cancer Society!! Let me know if you are interested...

$10.00 each... Cotton and Flannel
So Very Cute..

Do you love that new show Parenthood? I have a brief moment of mourning each week when the episode ends... I live for Tuesday's!!

and finally......

~ I'm working really had to make my business work... I'm going to start FORCING people to use me to walk their dogs.. I'm thinking about hiring a couple of really big guys to persuade folks into needing a dog walker... ;-)

That about catches me up... Now it's your turn to fill in the gaps!!

Love and miss you all much!!

Happy Earth Day!!

Jesse's AHA moment...

2010-04-07T16:03:00.001-07:00

Jesse has always been a fan of the "girls"... I think because of his medical problems he's been less active and rough than boys his age, and girls are a bit more tame... so he's always gravitated towards hanging out with the gals in his world..

He has 3 best girls at school.. Zoey, who he loves and she loves him back, as a matter of fact, don't tell him I told you but he has been caught several times kissing Zoey on the school bus... Then there is Emily W., (or E.W as we like to call her, there is currently only one Emily in his class, but we still call her Emily W. for some reason???)... she loves Jesse and frequently sends home love notes and small trinkets to prove it.. but Jesse only loves that she loves him... he does not want to kiss her on the school bus or anywhere else.. (thank goodness). Then there is Payton, she just likes him and he likes her back... no love, no kissing... sort of like Vada and Thomas J...

Yesterday Jesse came home and said that he had a terrible day.. I asked him why and this is what he said:

"Emily W. doesn't love me anymore and she only wants to play with Payton... so I asked if I could play too and they said yes... so I played with them..."

Here comes the aha moment....

"but mom, girls are so boring when you play with them, nobody is ever the bad guy and they don't want to run around and scream for their lives.... I just want to play boys from now on...."

Hopefully this means the school bus too!!

Hit the "pause" button PLEASE!!!

2010-03-19T08:12:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly convinced that not many people read this blog... so I think it will be okay if I whine a little, just this once...

Some friends of mine moved out of Salt Lake several years back, they liked the new place well enough but constantly missed the family and friends they left behind. This feeling was shared with us before we made the big move to Oregon but we were so "on board" I think we though that would never be us..... And it's not really.. I LOVE it here.. I love every little thing about Oregon, especially Newberg where we live. It's beautiful here even in the dead of winter, the sky is always clean and smelling of outdoorsy smells (even skunk frequently, which I'm not so fond of).. I love driving into Portland and seeing the amazing view of Mt. Hood and the river, and I've become so attached to the Fremont Bridge I can't imagine not using it. The bridge takes us right to the doorstep of the hospital where I am constantly reminded of the things I am thankful for. It sort of serves as my personal reality check station... where I'm forced to think about all things good and bad.. and realize my appreciation for both.

But lately, since December I think, I have been longing for a previous time... My older kids are busy, and I love that about them, they are ambitious and motivated and living full lives like all adult kids should be. I'm proud of them and only want for them the best of what they want for themselves. I totally support them and their decisions because they are smart, good kids and have plans any parent would admire. So, even if I were in Salt Lake, they would still be moving on and I know this.. But it's even Jesse too...

This morning he gave me a full report on the life and times of Helen Keller... and filled me in on all the ways she was an amazing woman and told me the book they read in school was "pretty awesome"... Seems like just yesterday we were reading the Yummy Yucky book.. Then, just before school I made him pull up his shirt so that I could rub some lotion on his dry itchy chest and back and he said to me... "Mom, do you have to embarrass me with that lotion?" WHAT? He has never cared about stuff like that... Then he proceeded to tell me that a girl can't ask a boy to be girlfriend/boyfriend... it's the boy's decision... AHHHH SLOW DOWN!!! I am so totally overloaded with my children's apparent overnight maturing I simply can't take it anymore.. Someone please hit the pause button before I have a total meltdown..

I miss baby Jesse, tween Jamie and little boy Aaron.. I never got enough time with any of them.. It feels like I just met them and now they are all grown up.. and I love the people they are today for sure.. They are all great friends and wonderful children still... so I rejoice in my new people, but seem to be mourning the ones that are gone..

So it's not the move that's got me feeling sort of blah... although what I would give to have my family back in the same city... (I just want it to be THIS city..) it's just the natural progression of time that I seem to be angry at..

I'm sure I'm not the only parent to suffer this same of out of control fast forward feeling.. As a matter of fact, I know my own parents have felt this way too.. I suppose it's just my turn.. But it's not fun and I just don't like it...

To make things worse, I'm going back to work full time which will take even more time away from my little man who seems to speeding to adulthood.. I remember the days of being a working mom... As soon as the morning alarm goes off, it's a race against the clock to get to bed... but on the other hand, I suppose it will be good to get my mind busy so that I don't focus on such things...

I am constantly reminded by some very special angels that it could be much worse... I am glad my children are here... a phone call away, or parked in front of the TV. I can at any time call them up and scold them for growing up so fast.. not all parents are so lucky and I know this.. so today, I am going to call my big kids and hug my little ones, then I'm going to go park myself on the Freemont Bridge and try to get a better perspective on things...

Maybe this is the effect of a rainy Oregon winter... good thing spring is almost here~

Spread The Good News!!!

2010-02-15T09:50:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that Jesse had a PET Scan on January 29th to follow up on that pesky little spot in his belly that has given us so much stress and a general feeling of uneasiness for the last year... and the results are in....

"Whatever was going on in his belly seems to have resolved itself.." His scan is TOTALLY clear!! This means that Jesse is for sure, 100%, without a doubt, genuinely Cancer Free!!

Taking a full breath for the first time in a year and a half feels pretty dang good!! Thanks for all your support and prayers!! We truly love you ALL!!

Allie

Amazing Jamie!!

2010-01-19T09:05:00.000-08:00

Meet my daughter, The Nurse!!

When I first met Jamie, she was.... let's see... 8 maybe 9? (I'm never good with that sort of thing.. I want to say 3rd grade).. She looked EXACTLY like her dad... But where he is calm, she was not... she bounced.. not like regular kids, she was up and down and back and forth and hopped from one leg to another, skipped everywhere she went and never, I mean NEVER held still... Do you remember that song by Van Halen, "Jamie's Crying"...? We used to change the part that says "Jamie's crying" to "Jamie's whining"... partly to tease, but also because, while she was not a brat, she had the most amazing way to get her dad to do whatever she wanted, which included a bit of a whine.. She and Aaron visited us on weekends, I couldn't wait for the kids to arrive so that I could listen to Jamie talk endlessly about was happening in school, with her friends, and with the smelly boys... She never held back and enjoyed filling us in on all her activities.. Back then she wanted to be a veterinarian and live in a Garfield shaped house and have about a million kitties..

Fast forward to high school... An amazing student, serious about school and making super grades.. When faced with a make you or break you situation, Jamie threw out the whining and took all that energy and turned it into ambition, drive, and a dedication rarely seen in kids today. I'm sure that was partly due to some pretty stellar parenting and support by Steve and Carole... (they are amazing parents). But really, it was mostly just her.... blowing us away with every decision she would make..

Before our precious Adrienne even arrived, Jamie had a plan, a good plan and she was well on her way to reaching her goals. She earned her CNA certificate, and got a job. She continued to do well in school. She took enough classes in high school to have a good head start in college. She took classes every semester getting herself ready to join a nursing program and become a Registered Nurse.

Oh sure, there were doting grandparents available to make her life easier, but Jamie was always determined to take as little as possible from us. She worked, went to school and somehow made sure Adrienne was fed, cleaned, loved, played with and ALWAYS a good 10 feet from the nearest germ. She never missed an opportunity to make a memory with her or make sure she had exactly what she needed. She got an apartment when she could, bought herself a car, paid for daycare, even began picking up her own tuition, and never whined for even an instant.

It's been a long six years of college for Jaime, with up's and down's and both good and hard times. Her life didn't always allow for full time everything, so some semesters she was only able to take a class or two, but she never gave up and finally, just last month, graduated from Davis Applied Technology College with a degree in nursing from Weber State. Carole, Steve and I simply couldn't be more proud of this gal and what she has accomplished. She never questioned her decisions and fought for what she believed was right for her and Adrienne. She is a wonderful student, daughter, mother, and I have no doubt she will be a fabulous nurse.

One last note.... She took her NCLEX exam last week and of course passed with flying colors... :-)

Congratulations Jamie on the most AMAZING job ever!!

And....

Congratulations PCMC for getting what I'm sure will be the most AMAZING nurse ever!!
(that's a mighty big statement... I know some awesome nurses at PCMC...)

J.... From your moms and your dad and your kid... You deserve everything you have worked so hard for. Thanks for being simply the best!! We love you so much!!

HAPPY GOTCHA DAY!!

2010-01-12T08:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Gotcha Day to our sweet Jesse!!

It was 6 years ago today when Jess was just 2-1/2 years old, we took him in our arms and never had to let him go!!

We love you so much Jesse... Thanks for making our lives complete!!

Mom and Dad...

Christmas 2009

2009-12-27T13:14:00.001-08:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

Merry Christmas family and friends.

We had a great holiday at the Fontenot house. However, it was our first year without our big kids and granddaughter to visit with, and our first year without snow.. so it was a bit difficult to maintain the Christmas spirit like I usually do, but it was also a great opportunity to do something a bit different, and I think it made all the difference...

We decided (for a number of reasons) to simplify our entire Christmas experience.. I did only a small about of baking, our children definitely got much less in their stockings and we decided to give even more than usual. Even Jesse did his own good works and I was very proud of him. Steve and I decided to not exchange gifts at all, which was a first but ended up feeling really good. I loved my Christmas and everything about it.. I think we will definitely start some new traditions based on this year.. (If you want to know more about what we did to give as a family, you can click the link about Markelle's gift at the top of this)

Having said all that, we didn't exactly cancel Christmas.. Santa still came and Jesse was spoiled by his grandparents.. There were still plenty of presents to go around. I think at the top of the list is the new addition to our family.... Meet Izzy, our mutt. Jesse's only wish was for a puppy of his own... so that's what Steve and I got for him. He was blown away and even burst into tears when he saw her. We all love her and I think she will be a good dog.. Jesse is going to be a great person for her and I think they will be forever friends. I'm sure Jesse will remember this holiday for the rest of his life...

This really has been a year full of blessings with Jesse's good health, Heidi's new found love and marriage, our daughter Jamie's graduation from college (which will soon be it's own post... so check back) as well as the blessing of Steve's good job. We are also looking forward to a visit from our son Aaron next week, which couldn't make us happier. So even though we miss our family and friends like crazy this time of year, we still have a lot to be happy about and that's what we are focusing on.

Thank you for all your love and support this year, we simply couldn't do it without you..

Wishing you all the best holiday season and the happiest new year..

What are you thankful for?

2009-11-24T15:58:00.000-08:00

The holidays are upon us again and as usual, I begin to get all sappy and emotional about all the things in my life that I have to be thankful for. I've decided to make a list.. not that it covers everything... but just highlights a few..

I'm Thankful For...

1. Steve ~ who even after 13 years of marriage, still loves me as much as when we started dating, and for whatever reason seems to "get" me no matter what crazy idea I'm focused on.

2. 3 beautiful, healthy, smart, amazing children and one perfect granddaughter ~ These people fill my heart with so much joy and pride I'm sometimes afraid it might explode.

3. Jamie, Amy, Heidi and Mikalie ~ for being my people, my role models, my hero's. For teaching me about friendship and commitment, and for making me laugh.

4. My parents ~ for loving me so much and wanting to be with me. For offering every day in every way to make my life easier.

5. Carole ~ for showing me what real acceptance looks like and for her part in making Jamie and Aaron who they are today. And for loving my Jesse so much... :0)

6. My family and Steve's family ~ who have shown me that no matter how far away we move they are always around to support me.

7. My far away friends ~ who prove all the time that family is of the heart and standing by me as if I was one of their own.

8. My sweet niece Sarah ~ who puts a smile on my face and reminds me daily that life is really about family, friends, having fun, doing good things for others and holding firm to your beliefs. Nothing else really matters.

9. Matthew Dodd ~ for filling some huge holes in the hearts of people I love.

10. Charitable giving and the ability to do it.

11. Lumber Products ~ for choosing Steve when I'm sure the decisions were tough ones this year.

12. Whole foods, my new hip, exercise and time to sleep. These things keep me happy and healthy.

13. My Church

14. Meds, doctors, nurses, and great facilities to keep people healthy and to offer lasting support when things don't work out like we'd hope.

15. Markelle, her donor, Jesse's donor, Darian and God ~ for teaching me that no matter how big or how small we are, we have the ability to change lives and leave a lasting imprint in the hearts of strangers.

What are you thankful for... I'd love to hear your list..

CafeGive Widget

2009-11-24T11:40:00.001-08:00

Celebrate Life

2009-11-13T12:18:00.001-08:00

Happy Celebrate Life Day!!

It's November 13th... A very bittersweet day in our family.. It's the day Markelle was called to receive her new small bowel and bone marrow transplant seven years ago. It was a life saving day for our precious princess which makes it a sweet, sweet day... The fact that she's not here today to share it with us makes it a little bitter...

How would one describe the extra 3 years we got to spend with that beauty...? A three year celebration of life, that's how. Each day was a gift and a treasure.

We learned so much from Markelle. Selflessness, patience, sacrifice, perseverance, commitment and faith, just name a few of the qualities Markelle had and gladly passed on to the rest of us. She was the most amazing girl and continues to be a strong influence in our daily lives. Not a day goes by that I can't count at least one blessing in my life linked directly to her and what she left behind. I'm sure a lot of you feel the same way.

For these reasons, I choose today to Celebrate Life.. Her's, mine, my family's, Markelle's donor's, Jesse's donor's, and all my friends. I am grateful to every person who touches my life, and I believe there should be a day set aside to celebrate them. What better tribute to a gal who started it all?

So... tonight, I will celebrate with my family, talk about you and how much we love you, and then say a little prayer for you at bed time.

As for Markelle... There is now a big hole in our hearts from loosing such a priceless gift, but that hole is filled to the top with precious memories and lessons learned. About life, love, loss and survival... We will forever celebrate her and what she left for us.

Take some time tonight to Celebrate Life with the ones you love... and as always, talk about the importance of organ and tissue donation... it really does change lives!!

Halloween

2009-11-01T18:57:00.001-08:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

Halloween this year started at 6:30 in the morning when Jesse crept ever so quietly into our bedroom and screamed BOO!! one inch from my face.. He can't sleep when he's excited.... and he WAS excited!!

Jesse struggles to make decision. As a matter of fact, It actually pains him when he's asked to do it. So when he offered up the suggestion of a shark for Halloween, I jumped in feet first. I really needed some positive reinforcement for making his own decisions... But what I didn't realize was that it was going to be difficult to find a shark costume that didn't involve body parts hanging out the mouth... (Maybe we'll do creepy next year). Anyway, after looking all over the internet and the stores, I decided to just make the silly thing. The costume turned out great, but really you need to sort of see it from the side or back to really be able to tell what it is. He's suddenly become worried of what other people think of him, so he was afraid someone might laugh at it, but was pleasantly surprised to receive several compliments.. He was so excited to trick-or-treat, as last year he was feeling a bit under the weather and really can't even remember it. Gage was scheduled to come and go with him but got the junk and felt too sick to go out in the cold. Jesse was bummed and we missed him, but still had a good time running from house to house... And now the candy sits a top the fridge... oh where are the days when he wouldn't touch sweet thing? Now he wants to know for desert after a snack!!

We also carved a pumpkin, you can see from the pictures that he still doesn't like touching yucky things.. He was totally grossed out but had a super great time!!

This was the first year without his people.. We really missed Adrienne, Alex and Gage.. For me it seems things just keep changing.. But we had a great time. As we were headed back to the house last night Jesse was skipping and twirling and said this was his best day ever!! I love it when he says that.

Happy Fall...

My Dear Dad...

2009-10-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

Me N' Dad

Have I ever told you about my dad? Most of you I have, but I imagine there are some who don't know about David... I just want to take the opportunity to give a shout out to the big guy.. not because it's his birthday or Father's Day, but just because. Someone recently pointed out that it is the right thing to do.. and you know what? It is...

My dad is a phenomenal grandpa.. He has been so wonderful to Jesse always. He's constantly worried and concerned when Jesse is sick and even when he is not.. He's interested in his school and his friends and health and happiness. He brings the "yummy" kind of fruit snacks to Jesse every single week.. (not the -good for you- kind that mom buys..) He's even wonderful to Gage and Mikalie and they love him tons too. He's always showering all the kids with sugar because he say's it's his job. Not to mention supporting all the fundraiser kids have from time to time.. and being present at their numerous activities and special events. For me, he brings cashew's and fancy coffee beans.. mmmm... delicious!

He moved to Oregon with us when we came here. He didn't want to be away from his family. He lives only about 8 minutes from our house. He's been a huge help to us, frequently meeting the bus for Gage when I had to be at the hospital with Jesse last year. He's always available to help in a pinch and oh so happy to do it!! His most frequently asked question is.. "need Gpaw to do sumpin'?", and I know he always means it.

He's super with kids, I tell him I think he would make a great crossing guard.. Kids just love those people and kids love him.. He's great about keeping me posted on local events and the latest buzz in the news about something he knows I'm interested in, not to mention my favorite actors and actresses. He's an information wizard, if you need info about something in particular, you just need to say the word, he can find anything you need in no time flat.

My dad was also a very good son, taking care of my Grandma till the very end. Not only did he visit daily, but he won the hearts of the little ladies he met while spending time with her. He has a lot of compassion in his heart and is sweet and loving around the elderly. I'm sure he was missed dearly at the Assisted Living Complex my grandma lived in.

David was a cook. Did you know that..? It was his first career, later he went into law enforcement. But he started out as a chef, I know that's where I get my love of cooking from. Only with me it was reversed. I didn't like it at all until my mid thirties... now I love it!! I sort of grew up in the back of a restaurant... I learned much about how to set up a salad bar, wrap potatoes for baking, make Thousand Island dressing, and delicately drop a dollop of whip cream on top of a cup of Jello.. (I'm dating myself now, do you remember when Jello was a nice desert?) But the best lesson I learned from my time in the restaurant was about elbow grease.. I remember my dad teaching me how to use elbow grease to get the tables extra clean... I still smile to myself when I start rubbing something really hard...

My dad loves a good party and probably would have preferred to retire to Vegas. He's always up for a good time and loves being around his family. I'm not the best daughter, I'm frequently busy and preoccupied by the crazy world around me.. but I love my dad and I'm glad he is always there.

Better late than never to say I love you...

A Busy, Busy Fall...

2009-10-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

It seems like it's been forever since I've posted. Probably because it has been forever. I haven't forgotten, it's just been busy, busy, busy... or at least that is what it feels like..

Returning to school was a big deal and very exciting around our house... but left me with little to do. I could have thrown myself into my house and finally finished unpacking the boxes that are still in my garage from a year and a half ago... (does that mean I don't need that stuff anymore?) but truthfully, what fun is that? Besides, it's become apparent that the Good Fairy is not going to be dropping a basket full of $20 bills on our doorstep each month (naughty fairy!) so I needed to think about getting my lazy butt back to work. First I put together my resume.. Have you ever had to put together a resume from scratch? It's horrible and sort of stressful and definitely not fun at all... I have worked at the exact same desk for 15 years, but had numerous positions, more bosses than titles, and the company names take up at least half a sheet. I ended up just putting a disclaimer at the bottom that said... "Look, there was so much change I don't really remember it all so I might be making some of it up, but I can do most anything, just take my word for it." I think that might have been part of my problem in not finding work right away. Either that or the 12% unemployment rate in Oregon. I'm telling you, I answered every add I could find that didn't require flying an airplane or laying pavement (because I wouldn't like that job very much).. I wrote so many letters and e-mails I could probably compile a book of cover letter templates... "How to make one skill sound like ten", But then again, I'm still out of work, so probably nobody would buy it.. Oh, I did go on a few interviews.. met some nice people... but I think everyone can read between the line when you tell them your kid is being followed up by BOTH Transplant and Oncology.. I might as well wear a big flashing neon sign that says "I will call in sick... ALOT"... It's discouraging to say the least.. If someone see's my Good Fairy, could you tell her I've been looking for her? We need to talk.

And that explains why my blog time has been limited...

But.. I have decided to get a little creative and start my own business from home. I'm starting a pet sitting business... go ahead, laugh... Animals are big business here in Oregon, and pet sitting is big too.. I'm sort of excited about it and ready to really dig in and get my paws dirty.. you can check out what I've been doing at www.apurrfectpetservice.com. Thanks to my friends the Lee's and the Soran's for being the people I talk about when I say... "I know a lot of people who use pet sitters and they really like them..." Anyway... My hope is that it will be good and flexible and allow me to take Jesse sometimes and work as a family on the weekends.. we'll see what happens..

Jesse has been loving his golf clubs.. He is actually very interested in golf and wants to play all the time. He can hit balls and putt all day long at the driving range and he's still begging to get out on the course. I'm proud of him and excited that he really likes it, and I have to say surprised that he seems to be able to maintain his focus with it.. Of course, if we try to encourage him to hit the balls in the back yard, he's not interested.. he only likes $10 a bucket balls and flags to aim at... sounds like a real golfer, no? I'm sure the winter will put a damper on his practice, but we'll try to get some in once in a while..

On another note, my mother moved to town. She has been living in Pennsylvania for the past 20+ years. She decided it was time to pack up and move clear across the country. She misses Jesse and wanted to be close to family. She bought a townhouse here in Newberg and has been working feverishly to get it fixed up and looking good. She's done an amazing job, the place looks great and I think she's finally settled. The best part of the whole deal is that she brought a dog! Jesse has been lonely since Heidi moved and took her dog PJ, so Darcy makes Jesse very happy..

More recently, we have all been down with theH1N1 virus.. It's true. Swine Flue at the Fontenot's. I'm tellin' ya, it was miserable. I'm still feeling tired and cranky about it.. hopefully by the end of the weekend we will completely plague free. Since Jesse is in the "risk" group, I'll admit I've been a bit irrationally freaked out about the whole thing.. so, as soon as he started coughing and sporting a temp.. I called the doc right away. Of course my doctor got him right in, determined it was probably the flu and decided we needed to go to the hospital and get some blood work done and a dose of IV antibiotic's just to be safe. The hospital here in Newberg (which is not our normal hospital) was not interested in having a "N1H1" patient wandering their corridors. They required us to have a very special type of mask before entering the hospital... When the doctor said he didn't have that kind in his office, they agreed to meet us at the front door. Here's where it get's good.. When we arrived at the hospital and walked up to the front doors, THREE people met us... One to stop the flow of traffic out of the hospital, another to stop people from entering the hospital, and the third to help me get the (rather normal) mask on Jesse's face. Then, as if Jesse were Barack himself, all three suits, not nurses, escorted us through the hospital, using wide arms to direct people around us saying "please move to the other side of the hall"... Picture Jesse, with his pajama's and slippers, very messy hair, big green mask on his face, his mom, and THREE bodyguards all walking directly from the front door of the hospital to his room, without stopping once to check in or give them our name or anything... I was trying hard not to crack up... It was sort of funny. I expected the CDC, or the EPA, or at least the 10 o'clock news to be there when we left.. We've had some special treatment before, but never like that.. Everyone at the new hospital was very nice and attentive.. but wait, it get's better.. when we were done, they just said.. "Okay, bye, feel better"... no special escort out of the hospital.. we could have wandered around and checked out the gift shop and spread the swine flu all over the place and nobody would have notice or cared... I'm thinking the chief had gone home for the day by then... He was pretty sick for a couple of days, then he was fine and went back to school on Thursday and Friday... He's great now!!

Well... I've wasted enough time for sure.. It's been good to catch up. Halloween is coming, Jesse wants to be a shark.. a shark? okay, whatever. I'm spending the next few days looking for a great costume so he will be both cute and scary.. watch for pictures.

Happy Haunting to you all!!

September 22, 2009
Jesse's Adoption Day!
5 Fabulous Years

Back To School....

2009-09-08T08:51:00.000-07:00

I just put Jesse on the bus for his first day of Second Grade. I have about a million things I need to do.. But the only thing I can seem to get myself to do is blog... I guess we all have to start somewhere... and I'm not ready to let the moment go...

I'm happy he got to experience his first day. Since last year his first day came at the end of October sometime... He was so excited, he picked out his clothes last night and planned his morning..

We were able to meet his teacher, Mrs. Thomas, last week and check out his room and put some supplies in his desk. There are a few kids in his class that were in his class last year, so he was very happy and excited to see them again. I thought it was funny that three kids looked at him and said "Jesse, you grew hair!" I think he had hair at the end of first grade, but the kids must remember his beautiful bald head best... He was proud of his hair and happy that the kids noticed. I guess they noticed because he now has A LOT of hair!! But I can't bring myself to cut it. Things that used to be important to me, like clean cut hair that made him look snazzy and smart, seem so unimportant now. His hair looks pretty sharp just out of the shower, but by the end of the day it's EVERYWHERE!! Curly and large... Oh well, I'll cut it when he's ready..

Two Fingers for Second Grade!!

The start of a new school year also brings other changes in our life... I am looking for work and hope to start a new job soon. Of course it's easier said than done, but I am looking and hopefully something will turn up soon. That means more responsibility around the house for both Steve and Jesse... which is a really good thing, especially in Jesse's case. All kids need responsibility of some sort, but currently mom does everything for him...

My first goal however is to clean out his room!! Today is the first time I have been alone in our house for months and months... I have cleaned his room many times, but to get rid of even one thing sends Jesse over the edge... It's time to cull out the toy box and take some "extra" stuff he doesn't even know he has to the Goodwill.... He won't miss any of it... but always seems to have some reason he needs to keep his baby toys... Not today my friends... the clutter ends here...

So, as we say good-bye to Jesse's medical drama, we take on more normal worries.. Balancing work, chores, homework, bedtime and a little family time too. I have loved the time I have had with Jesse, but I suppose work will be good for us too. Time to get back to real life, and there is nothing wrong with that!!

"That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another...."
-Charlie Brown

Jesse's Birthday Bash!!

2009-08-17T19:28:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Jesse!

I can't believe you are 8!

Jesse turned 8 on Saturday. It was a very exciting day that seemed to take forever to get here. We counted down that day's and waited and waited... But the special day finally arrived... Jesse rarely misses a wink of sleep, except when he's excited... so the few mornings before the big day were VERY early... Making the anticipation even greater for me..

The morning started with a nutritious breakfast of Twinkies and a homemade carmel with a candle just to get things warmed up... Breakfast was followed by about 4 hours of begging to open his presents...

When we were shopping at the store earlier in the week, I encouraged Jesse to pick out his cake, which he did, and since my mother was in town, the two teamed up and ordered his cake while I was squeezing fruit and checking the corn cobs in the produce department. This gave Jesse the idea to keep the theme of the cake a secret from Steve and I until the big "unveiling" at the party.. So, Saturday morning we had to run and pick up the cake and make a big production out of him carrying it and keeping me from looking at it, of course all while I was paying... It worked, it really was a secret.

Surprise it was Pokemon~!! Who would have thought??? :o)

Finally it was 1:00 and Heidi and her family arrived... The magic could begin.. We started by opening presents. He had several LARGE gifts and several that came in the mail... each was exciting and perfect for Jesse... He loved all his gifts... he got books (which we needed desperately) art supplies, Legos, a rock painting kit, markers, color books, sketch pad, puzzles, games, a super gross squeeze ball with a frog sticking out... a remote control Jeep, remote control Yoshi in a teeny tiny car, golf clubs from mom and dad and a putting green from grandpa... and Money, Money, Money... The kid made out... Thanks everyone for all your thoughtfulness and generosity..

After presents and cake and ice cream we piled the kids into the car and drove to a place called Safari Sam's.. It's one of those places that you can basically let the kids run free while adults sit at a table and eat pizza.... They have a HUGE play structure, mini-golf, and a rather large arcade. It was a really good time and the kids had a ball.

Jesse's new cousin Anna, Blake from across the street,
Gage, Jesse and Alex, also from across the street.

After Safari Sam's we headed home to check out the mother load of gifts... it was great to go through them and check each one out... The boys spent some male bonding time on the putting green, which Jesse is pretty dang good at actually... for a lefty that is... He loves his clubs and is very excited about hitting the links with his dad... he said he promises he won't hit it in the water or the sand... ;-)

It was taco night a the Fontenot's... Jesse's favorite dinner... so we ate till we couldn't eat anymore, indulged in another piece of Pokemon cake and started to settle down a bit...

We ended the day with a cozy dip in the hot tub... another of Jesse's favorites.. It was a great day all about celebrating Jesse and I think he simply couldn't have asked for more. When he finally fell asleep Saturday night, he was the happiest boy on earth!!

Happy day with great memories..

I love you little boy... Having you as my son is like having my birthday every day of the year!! Here's to many, many more!!

Kids!!!

2009-08-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

We just returned from the grocery store trip from HELL... we spent exactly $95 dollars, were there for almost 2 hours (don't ask).. 2 trips to the bathroom.. Greeting cards... Picking out HIS birthday cake... Ugh!!

When we finally got into the car (after Jesse took far too long returning the cart and made me go find him)... This is how our conversation went...

Me: "Jesse, when we are in the store.... Blah, Blah, Blah... Bark, Bark, Bark.... Nag, Nag, Nag.... Do you understand what I'm saying???"

Jesse: "Can we get a dog?"

AAAAAHHHHHH..... One of us needs medication!!!

I am very grateful to have moments that are so frustrating one can only make fun of them...

I love you Jesse!!!

My Little Survivor

2009-06-29T10:57:00.001-07:00

Relay For Life - Newberg
June 19&20, 2009

Last weekend we participated in the Relay For Life to benefit the American Cancer Society. We were on a team called "Austin Angels", for Jesse's school and the the two sweet cancer patients that go there. The team was full of the school staff and their friends and family members. Jesse is not the only student at his school who has had cancer, there is a little girl named Maddy who has just finished therapy for Leukemia. Both kids are doing great now and looked fabulous in their purple survivor shirts.

The event is a 24 hour relay race where participants walk (or run) around a track for the entire time. At least one member of the team has to be on the track every hour. Usually team members take turns for an hour at a time. Of course there are many teams with several members on each team. The race was held at our high school so there was plenty of room for people to pitch tents and set up for the whole night. We only stayed until about 10:30 because Jesse just couldn't stay up much later than that.

To start the event, all the survivors line up and make one kick off lap around the track, then the race officially begins. The survivors were lined up by date of diagnosis, so Jesse was right in the front of the line, being diagnosed less than a year ago. It wasn't planned, but he and Maddy led the lap and carried the banner. It was amazing and emotional to watch. I was so proud of him!

After the Survivors Lap all the survivors and their families were treated to a nice dinner. It was especially good for Jesse to see how many other people had survived cancer. He was amazed by all the purple shirts and I realized that he thought he and the few kids he saw in the hospital were the only people to have this type of illness. When it got dark, luminaries were lit and lined the track, the luminaries were purchased by the participates either in memory of some one who has passed away from cancer, or in support of someone who has survived or is living with cancer. There must have been a thousand or more. Then everyone came off the track and they read every name. Again, it was very emotional!

After we went home and slept, we went back to the race and walked for the last hour and a half... Then they served ice cream... I think that was Jesse's favorite part.

Relay For Life is held in every city and community all around the United States. Newberg is a small community so I guess our race was small compared to other larger city's. Jesse and Maddy and one other little girl who looked to be about 8 or 9 were the only children I saw wearing purple shirts. There were people of all ages, having had cancer many years ago, to people undergoing treatment right now. Our little race raised over $55,000.00 for the American Cancer Society. It was a sobering experience. I suggest every person participate at least once. I think the Fontenot's are relayers for life!! :)

Didn't I leave the Beehive State?

2009-05-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

While It's true I've seen many bee's in my life, I have never seen this many bees at one time.... in my yard! (Okay, this is not my yard, but this picture was taken from my back yard)

This tree is in my neighbors yard. On Sunday we noticed some ruckus coming from over the fence. People were gathering and talking very excitedly... Turns out this tree, that is mere feet from my fence, and right smack in front of my neighbors house.... was full to capacity with a colony of bees... This branch, was weighted down from what they said was about 8 lbs of bees!! Plus.... about a million bees were flying around in the air...

Over the course of the evening we heard kids daring each other to touch them... Men chatting about what manly solutions could take care of the problem and even talk of calling the fire department... (visions of them spraying RAID from their fire hoses sent chills up my back....) but in the the end, a bee keeper came... A little guy with a funny bee keeper hat and big gloves and a small step ladder... he calmly donned his protective gear and stepped up brave on his little ladder... I assumed he was getting a closer look, which sort of impressed me... but what happened next actually took my breath away and I have to say I was a bit stunned.... He took hold of that branch and pulled down and gave it a big shake!! Suddenly a fog of brown filled the air and kids began to shriek and the branch bounced back to it's upright position.. I was watching from my back door, which I quickly closed and made sure my kid was on the inside, where there were no crazy little people taunting a bazillion stinging insects...

I assumed there must be a dead cat under there and the bees were feasting or something.... Little did I know... Turns out, after a little internet research that those bees were just hanging out with the queen... Bee's don't even eat dead cats! Wow, now that's what I call POPULAR!!! What's the deal? Isn't the queen supposed to take them to find a new hive? How would it be to be the queen bee and have all those worker bees at your beck and call...? I'm not going to go on and on about bees, but I suggest that if you (like me) are unfamiliar with the fuzzy buzzy flying little bugs, you should do a quick search and bring yourself up to date, they really are pretty fascinating... But here's what I think.... I think she just stopped for a rest and those little drone bees got all excited and started doing their "bee" thing...

I will, however, share with you one interesting fact I learned while trying to make heads or tails of what happened in that tree.... A male who is lucky enough to score with a queen pays the ultimate price. During mating, his reproductive parts get ripped out of him, and he dies. So.... What is all the fuss about?

“"That buzzing-noise means something. If there's a buzzing noise, somebody's making a buzzing-noise, and the only reason for making a buzzing-noise that I know of is because you're a bee. ....
And the only reason for being a bee that I know of is making honey.....
And the only reason for making honey is so as I can eat it." So he began to climb the tree.”
~Whinnie The Pooh

Jesse's Transplant Day!!

2009-05-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

See this house? This is were I live. I think this picture pretty much describes how I feel on a daily basis... I feel like my little family is ALWAYS sitting directly under a rainbow.... a smile from God...

Jesse is the most amazing gift in our lives. He is a true miracle.. The kind you only read about in fictional novels... the real heartfelt tear jerker kind... but he's really here... When I seriously let myself sit down and think about it... It seems so bizarrely magical...

Tomorrow will mark the 6 year anniversary of his transplant... For those who don't already know, Jesse was blessed with the gift of life... a liver and small bowel. He was just 3 months from his second birthday.. It's always a time of deep reflection on my part.

(This is Jesse the first time we met him... 4 months post transplant)

We tease in our family that Jesse has so many "special" days... Birthday, Transplant Day, Gotcha Day, Adoption Day and newly added... End of Chemo Day... Which day is most important? I can't say... without each special day, Jesse would not be in my life, so I can't even begin to rank them... Each day is special and unique in it's own way.

This morning, when talking to Jesse about his special day, he asked the question I've been avoiding because of his young age... "Where is the person who gave me a liver and bowel?" Of course I don't believe such a gift should ever be a secret.... so I explained it as best I could for his level of understanding... Today he knows that his special angel and Markelle, along with God, are in heaven looking after him. I believe that more than anyone could ever know. I hope that Jesse grows up believing this too.

Okay, not such a great picture, but unfortunately, the only one of two moms and two transplant babies on Markelle's transplant anniversary. November 13th, 2004. We always celebrated Markelle's special day with a Celebrate Life party. This day I believe was a Mexican Fiesta!! Markelle helped Jesse find his forever family and she loved him so very much! Jesse is so blessed to have had her such a big part of his life.

Tomorrow, six years after his life was forever changed by a very gracious set of parents who made the hardest decision ever, we will pray for them and thank them, and remember them in all that we do. Being an organ donor is more than just a decision, it's an act of unconditional love. My hope is to instill that in Jesse so that he never forgets to appreciate what he's been given. I know that with his sweet disposition and loving personality he will always be thankful!

Please join us in remembering everyone who's life has been touch by organ donation. Tell somone new about Jesse and Markelle in hopes of inspiring them to be an organ donor too. Tell your family once again about your wishes to be a donor. It's the most important thing you can do to ensure your wishes are carried out by the ones you are closest to.

To my sweet baby boy... No one could ever love you more... I appreciate each day with you because I know that your life is my reward... You are my pot of gold at the end of this rainbow!!

Before Transplant 2002

The handsome boy he is today!!

So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.
~2 Corinthians 9:7

Congratulations Heidi and Matthew!

2009-04-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Heidi and Matt!!

It's true... My friend Heidi is tying the knot!! Some of you might be surprised, but I'm not... Not even a little bit. Heidi said from the beginning of our talks about moving here that her Prince Charming was waiting for her in Oregon. I think she meant it in jest, but oh... how true her words were.

Last year after Jesse and I got back from Seattle, Heidi and I decided to get serious about finding a church and planting some roots in Oregon. We found a great little church that spoke to our hearts and began attending regularly. Before long we noticed a very cute guy who seemed to be single. You know the type... tall, dark and handsome.. Since it was sort of new and exciting we started using a code name when referring to him.. so that the little boys (who are like parrots) wouldn't repeat the cute little comments we seemed to be regularly making... or give away how obviously smitten Heidi was.. His name is Matthew Dodd, but to us he is just "BIG"... As soon as the boys figured out who we were talking about they begin using it too, and after a while it just stuck...

Big is an amazing guy. He has a calm nature that makes you want to be around him. He is gentle and wonderful with Mikalie and Gage and they love him as much as Heidi does. He frequently tells Heidi how wonderful she is. He plays with the kids and helps them with their homework. He takes Mikalie on late night candy runs... (he's a bad influence on our figures). He's a little romantic and loves to talk as much as she does (if it's possible ;-). He's well educated and easy to chat with, totally just one of the guys.... and as an added bonus... He's a golfer!! We think the world of him and believe him to be a blessing to our family. Heidi is getting exactly what she deserves for a change!

So last Friday, he popped the BIG question and she said YES!! I'll admit, Mikalie and I were in on it, but sworn to secrecy. He took her totally by surprise and swept her off her feet with his unbelievably tender words. He gave her a dozen roses and included one pink rose and a balloon to say... "I wish Markelle was here.." He thinks of everything!!

The date will be July 31st... They will get married in the chruch where they met and fell in love!! Congratulation to my best friend and her kids!! I love you and am so very happy for all of you!!

They will be the cuttest little family!!

First family picture.... As an engaged family anyway!!

Resurection Sunday

2009-04-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

Jesse and Gage were so cute yesterday I just have to post about it.

We go to church near our house, actually it's quite far away from our home considering that Newberg has the most churches per capita in Oregon, I've actually heard the whole west coast, but I'm not sure if I believe that... We could attend church right in our own back yard practially, but instead we drive about 30 min.... I guess it's a small price to find a church that suits us..

The boys sang in the choir yesterday for Resurection Sunday service. They were so proud of themselves. As Gage put it.... they, "sang their little hearts out". They had been practicing at church for about 6 weeks, and at home and the car too. Saturday they had a final practice in the morning which was followed by a pizza party and root beer floats, then they got all dressed up Saturday night for the evening service (followed by ice cream sundaes).... rushed to bed just to start over first thing Sunday morning for two services. They loved it and didn't get a bit tired of performing 3 different times. Both the boys saw me crying and, I must say, felt quite good about themselves for making me shed tears... I am so proud of them I could just burst!!

Okay, so it's not the best video, but enjoy anyway...

Jesse looks so grown up... and how about that hair?

Gage was so happy about his new belt he couldn't even stand himself.

I think he would have worn it to bed if Heidi would have let him.

I love my boys!!

Of course no Easter is complete without a good old fashion egg hunt!!

Happy Birthday Baby Addy!!

2009-04-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

Our Sweet Addison Rae Back!!

Happy Birthday to one of the cutest babies on the planet... Addison is two today.

Addison is our Red Lobster baby... meaning we got the good news of her expected arrival while enjoying a nice dinner (and a sprite) at the Red Lobster... Amy likes to announce her new babies at dinner apparently, since the news of Alex came while eating at Benihana's (also while enjoying a sprite!). As her friends, we couldn't have been happier..

Amy delivers early... so we weren't surprised when she went into labor early in April... But in true Amy fashion, she delivered quickly and flawlessly and within a few hours their little family had grown by another person... before the rest of us could even get to the hospital... See for yourself how beautiful she was on the day she was borne.

Amy allowed us all to have input into her name, or I should say she tolerated it with a smile and her signature "wellll" ... I think Jesse wanted her to be named Chloe, but in the end Amy and Randy settled on "Baby Addy"... which fits her perfectly. Her middle name is Rae, after sweet Markelle... Because we are all sure Addison is a gift picked out special by our precious angle.. Sent to remind us that there are still good things to look forward to.

Addison is full of sugar and spice and everything nice... with a bunch of mischief and a little naughty. She is a daddy's girl who is snuggly and smart and cutter than you can imagine, she looks just like her mom. She loves Elmo and something called "Zoboomafoo" (dont' ask...) She is a big eater and loves to help herself to whatever is in the fridge or cupbord. She is brave and daring, loves amusement park rides and wants to be in the middle of whatever her big brother is doing. Addy also has the most perfect wavy hair and captivating smile. We are so blessed to have her part of our family!!

Happy big number TWO Baby Addy...
We love you so much!!

Happy Birthday Gage!

2009-03-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Gage!!

March 17, 2003

9 lbs. 1 oz (ouch!)

Gage is my nephew, Jesse's cousin. Today is his birthday and he is six years old. He has not been able to stop talking about this day for weeks. His mom gave him a new "dirt" bike that just blew him away this morning and made him want to skip breakfast just to ride at 7:30. He will be opening the rest of his presents this evening at his special dinner... but he hardly noticed they were there with all the excitement about the bike... Since his birthday is on St. Patricks Day, each year he wears a crisp new Old Navy St. Patty's day t-shirt... It's his special birthday attire.. He will be having a big birthday bash when Alex arrives this friday.. He can't wait.

Gage is an amazing kid. He is sweet and funny and smart. He has more street smarts than your average 20 year old... He's all boy when it comes to outdoor activities. He would rather be outside playing on something dangerous than doing anything else in the world.. He could care less about the weather or temperature. He loves all things remote control... He's tough, and rugged and a natural when it comes to things all boy and the ultimate "cool"...

Gage is not only Jesse's cousin, but also a true friend.. He loves Jesse so much and Jess loves him. They live together and get along fabulous. It's really amazing that they don't argue like other siblings. They really do have a great time and compliment each other very well.. Jesse brings Gage indoors to do more structured activities, and Gage drags Jesse outside for some good old fashion fun, which Jess needs so much. When Jesse had Chemo, Gage was first in line to not only bring him gifts, play games and make him feel better... but to also shave his head and go bald for his best friend. A gesture that was not only noble, but was the only way Jesse was comfortable without hair. Jesse could not have gone through the last six months without Gage by his side to help him feel better and lift his spirits.

He is fiercely loyal and loves his people. He has had some tough times, but has managed to come through them with strength, compassion and understanding. Alot for a 6 year old little boy. He misses his sister Markelle and talks about her often. His bond with Mikalie is like none other and recently commented that he would like to marry Adrienne... Although she is beautiful, I'm not sure that will work out... but I'm not surprised he feels that way.. His group is small, but with Gage, once you are in, you're in and he will remember you and love you forever.

Happy Birthday my handsome blond friend!! I love you and cherish every day with you. Thank you for loving Jesse unconditionally... even when he bosses you around (which is daily). Our family would not be the same without you. You make us laugh everyday, your wisdom is profound and you shock us with your ability to understand the world.

Have the best day ever little man!!

Jesse to the rescue!

2009-03-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Steve and I went to the doctor with Jesse... We were told (very unceremoniously) that Jesse didn't have cancer anymore... Now, you would think information like that would make me the happiest gal on the planet.. and I was, believe me... but I was very overwhelmed because I suddenly realized that it's not really ever going to be over... They will only concede to "over for now"... without saying it, I felt like the message was.. "Don't stop stressing"... not exactly what I was hoping for.. So needless to say my emotions were a bit mixed..

I try not to cry for reasons I can't explain, but as any woman knows, sometimes it just happens.. but I was really trying to suppress the MAJOR explosion that was inside me.. for Jesse and for Steve, who, for all good intentions doesn't really know what to do if I can't identify the problem.. Let me just say that I was doing a great job of keeping the tears at bay at least until I could get home to the privacy of my own bathroom or something... until...

I dropped Steve back at work and was cutting through a neighborhood on my way home to avoid a major intersection and the traffic that comes with it... when I looked in my rearview mirror and notice that I was being pulled over... by a police man... on a motorcycle..

Let me just point out that I have been pulled over two other times in my life... I'm a very good, somewhat overly cautious driver.. so just seeing the lights was a bit unnerving.. but I knew I didn't do anything too awful, so I wasn't worried.. He walked up as I was rolling my window down... (so was Jesse by the way) and asked me if I was aware that you needed to actually stop the car when you see a stop sign... not just slow down... I answered truthfully.. "I don't really remember the stop sign, or what I did when I saw it..." Probably not the best answer I could come up with... but there it was.. Jesse on the other hand was ready to get to know the guy... "Hi!... are you a policeman?... are you on a motorcycle?... " He actually made the guy laugh right off..

He asked me the usual question... "may I see your drivers license, registration and proof of insurance please?" I managed to pull it all together and hand him the documents without much emotion at all.... he asked if we just recently moved to Oregon.. (because I still have a Utah license and registration) and before I could answer, Jesse chimed in... "We moved here in June"... oh man.... I just nodded.. This is when he made a very big mistake.. he asked me "Is there a reason you have not got in to changed your license?"....

Well... The tears didn't just start flowing.... they were projectile flowing... I went from completely dry to no contact lenses in about 1.5 seconds... and started spilling my guts... while wild stories came rushing out of my mouth, in between sobs... the little voice in my head was saying... Pull it together girl... this is not what he meant... this is really cliché... how about whipping out a little cleavage too.. . could you BE more embarrassing?? I was rambling the whole story and crying the blues like I was sitting in front of a shrink.. I'm telling you... It was the most humiliating moment of my entire life but I simply couldn't stop... It just kept coming.. Finally I was able to spit out that I wasn't crying because he pulled me over, as if that was important information... although I think he didn't believe me... he took that opportunity to say "just give me a moment"... and he basically sprinted back to his bike...

You would think that at this point I could take the chance to compose myself... nawww.. not me, I just kept on sobbing and sobbing.. Poor Jesse, this is what I was trying to avoid him seeing.. He kept saying... "Mom... what did you do?... I'm sure it's going to be okay".. When the officer finally came back to the car... Jesse immediately started engaging him in conversation.. The guy had stickers and tattoos for Jess and started chatting him up about the good news of the day and asking him about his transplant and having a great bonding time... then, he just looked at me and said... "okay, no ticket, but get this junk taken care of... and remember those little red signs at the intersection are there for a reason..." I was sort of expecting him to ask me if I needed an escort home..

For Jess... It was the highlight of his day and he was very excited to see a real live police man in the line of his noble work... For me? I'm going to study the Oregon drivers license manual... right after I schedule a paint job for my car and color my hair so that this officer doesn't stalk me as the crazy lady with the not-so-sick kid..

Oh, and I'm going to cancel the appointment with my shrink... I don't think I need it anymore.. ;o)

The Caring Cabin

2009-03-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

( I love this picture because it shows how great his new hair is...)

Well... We are home from the coast. It was beautiful there. The weather was cold, and on Sunday very rainy, but we were able to get some good outside time in and really enjoyed ourselves. The little boys did not want to come home. The house was a literal dream home.. Something Ty Pennington and crew must have consulted on. It was big and had windows everywhere and a huge fire place with a fully stocked kitchen. A great computer for Mikalie and video games for the boys. The garage was converted to a playroom with pool, air-hockey, karaoke, a curtian for dress-up and puppet shows, outside toys of every kind and so much inside stuff we couldn't get to it all. It was truly amazing for both kids and adults. There was even a playground outside...

We arrived Friday evening just after dark. The directions were good, but "Betty" my GPS was a bit confused by the small town of Pacific City... so we basically got lost.. The directions said we were one place, Betty said something else... The boys in the back seat began to get a little nervous about having to sleep in the truck.. but a short time later, we figured it out. My one regret for the weekend, was that we didn't work it out to arrive at 10:00 am, which was the time we could have check in...

The CCA (Children's Cancer Assoc.) had a quilt for Jesse, two stones with his name carved into them and a disposable camera waiting on the table for us when we arrived. The stones were really cool, one we placed along the path to the lake along with other stones from previous guests, the other was for us to bring home. It was really nice for us to talk with Jesse about what the stones meant and to be able to leave a part of us behind.

Saturday we hung out at the beach. It was a bit cool and windy, but still so much fun. The kids climbed a VERY steep sand dune, flew a kite, dug in the sand and even waded in the surf a little bit. We had lunch and watched the waves. This was Gage's first time at the beach. He loved it! He had sand EVERYWHERE when we left... even his eye's, ears and mouth... Then we headed back to the house and played and played and played.. The kids had the best day and were very tired at bed time...

On Sunday it was very rainy, so we packed up the kids and headed an hour south to Newport where they have a great aquarium. We had a really good time there. The kids touched string rays and star fish and really enjoyed the otter feeding. We had lunch at Mo's.... A great little seafood dive on the coast.

The rest of Sunday we sat around the fire, put a puzzle together and listened to the rain come down. The kids were even mellow by this time... That never happens in our family. It was a very peaceful time.

Monday, the rains stopped and sun even peaked out for a bit... We placed Jesse's rock and the kids went for a boat ride on the lake. It was a lot of fun for the little boys and Mikalie too. She tried her hand at a Kayak and did a great job. Saying good bye was hard because we had such a great time at the Caring Cabin. On the way home we stopped at the Tillamook Cheese Factory... sort of cheesy thing to do, but they had great ice cream and super gift shop...

Having Cancer really sucks... but I am continually amazed at the extent some people will go to help children who are sick. This cabin was made possible by people who donated tens of thousands of dollars just so families like ours would have a place to go to escape the sadness for a few days. We loved it as a mini-vacation, but I'm sure other families use it as a place to make one last terrific memory when the end is near for their kids... I"m glad that is not us, but grateful it is available to those who need it..

A Stress Free Weekend...

2009-02-26T09:52:00.000-08:00

How about this fabulous cabin on the beach? It's in Pacific City, Oregon on 27 acres of beautiful landscape, it has a lake and is a short walk to the beach. And it's all ours... well for 4 days anyway. It's called the Caring Cabin and it's owned by the Children's Cancer Association. It's available to families who have children with cancer... lucky us huh?

This is a time for us to act as if nothing is wrong and have a great weekend that we otherwise could not afford. We are going to pretend that our son's little body, along with our lives as we knew it, our bank account and our spirits were not ravaged by cancer. We are going to put all that aside and just enjoy a special time together. This weekend will mark six months since Jesse's diagnosis. Our family has been through a lot in these months and this time will give us an opportunity to take a small break from that. Our life is not where I though it would be after our move to Oregon and it's been difficult to just take each doctor appointment as it comes. The fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all I've decided.

Don't get me wrong... with the exception of the first 8 weeks or so, Jesse really has done well. He's not been too sick, he's tolerated the chemo, had a good response and he's been able to do most things as if he didn't have cancer. But, that hasn't stopped me from obsessing and being scared and worrying. Most of the time I'm able to keep things in perspective and not let my emotions get out of control.... but sometimes, if I allow myself to think about things for too long... I get really scared and upset and can't stop the tears... the dam gets full I guess. I'm really looking forward to a weekend away from reality. I think everyone who carries much stress should take time and give yourself permission to put your burden down for a minute. I hope my whole family can do the same this weekend.

Jesse's next big scan is March 6th. I can't really imagine it being anything other than good news, but, I also can't really escape the fear that it's not... I guess only time will tell, but for this weekend... I won't allow myself to worry about it...

Here's hoping for good weather, but not really caring what we get...

Don't worry, be happy!!

What's the deal with the Bachelor?

2009-02-17T10:50:00.000-08:00

Okay... I am definately not into reality TV.. To be honest I have never watched the stuff before. Oh sure, I have seen an episode every now and again... I watched the last two episodes of American Idol last season to see which of those two cute David's would be the next American Sweetheart... Once I even watched an entire season of Nashville Star in one day. It was a marathon on one of the cable channels during the off season I guess... Even then I couldn't stop the nagging feeling that I was wasting my entire day and probably a few brain cells too...

So tell me this.. How did I get hooked on The Bachelor this season...? I'm totally in love with Jason and I can't wait to see what will happen each Monday night. I realize that even though they call it "reality TV" it's still just TV and made up, and creatively edited to keep us involved and coming back each week... BUT I can't stand how much I need to know which girl he will choose!! I don't even really care.... I just want to know... Is it just me?

As if tuning in every Monday night is not a big enough waste of my time I just spent and hour on the internet searching for a spoiler.. I mean the season finished taping last November for crying out loud!! Isn't there a girl missing somewhere?? Hiding in seclusion for months until she can come out and call herself the girlfriend? Aren't people in her home town talking? I've searched all the spoiler sights I can find... but to no avail... This is the age of information - NOW! Should I not be able to find the answers I'm looking for? Isn't that the purpose of the internet? Admittedly, this is my first stalker-type situation, so maybe I'm just not good at it. I even found myself staying up an hour later than usual last night because the local news channel was going to have a 30 second blip about the series and I was hoping I could find a little clue... again I was shut down...

This is my fist love affair with reality TV so I don't know if my feelings are a bit overly obsessive... or if this is the response that producers are looking for when making such emotionally uncomfortable, made for TV reality shows... If anyone has any information, please... help me out here..

I know this for sure... I'm going to put my foot down and never get sucked into this sort of thing again... maybe... I think anyway...

What is love?

2009-02-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered what exactly LOVE is...? I mean, you know who you love... you know, (for the most part) who loves you... but what if you meet someone new and you think you feel love... how do you really know?

I looked up the word "love" in my handy dandy dictionary... Truthfully, the definition it gave me makes me think I love everyone... (which sometimes I think I think I do so it's good to know that I'm correct) Webster's uses many word like affection, attachment, desire, admiration... words that seem sort of generic for such a significant word... The deepest definition, which I felt at least attempted to give good meaning was #3a: ~unselfish concern that freely accepts another in loyalty and seeks his good. Even this definition seems simple... Why so much confusion over something that seems so natural?

With this question on my mind I decided to consult the Good Book.. The Bible. Who knows more about love than God himself right? I find a definition that at least makes me think the word 'love' is a bit more serious than Webster's theory.. (sorry my friend). Although, still basic and nothing to be afraid of...

The bible calls love our greatest gift....

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; loves does not parade itself; is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; love never fails.....

~1 corinthians 13: 4-8

Of course it goes on to say lots of things about who we should love and how... It's a great handbook on the subject really... But my purpose here is to just determine how do you know when you feel love? Is it's real?

Here's what I think.... and feel free to add your own, I would love to hear it...

If you can't wait to see someone at the end of the day... It's real..

If you are sad when they have a bad day, or are sick, or hurt... It's real..

If they get to spend time with a family member or friend without you... and you are happy for them... it's real..

If you smile when you get a phone call, e-mail or text... It's real..

If you can easily come up with 29 great things to say about them on their birthday... It's real..

If they say they liked your burnt dinner and eat seconds... it's real..

If they stay up with you all night long because you are sad, just to shower and go to work... it's real..

If you are always happy to see that special someone.... it's real..

If you feel a need to check on someone you haven't heard from for a while... It's real..

If they take a whole day off to drive you to the doctor... it's real..

If you drive an hour out of your way just for a kiss or a hug... it's real..

If you feel the need to cry when it's time to say good-bye for a while... It's real..

If you feel the need to cry when you finally get to see someone you miss... it's real..

If you have an aching feeling that you can't get close enough to that special someone... it's real..

When you find yourself saying over and over... "I've never felt like this before..." it's real..

Oh, sure there are many other ways to tell if it's real, as well as different kinds of love I know... But I couldn't find anything that said it only means.. physical attraction, or lust, or that we have the ability to love only one person... I don't think love needs to be complicated.. it only needs to be genuine... to have feelings for another person that are similar to the two definitions above. I'm talking about the basic fundemental core meaning of the word, the stuff all types of love are built upon.. I don't think we should be afraid to identify our feelings as love if that's what they are.

I don't believe in love at first sight necessarily... but I do believe, not always, but sometimes, it's possible to meet someone, spend a short amount of time getting to know them and be positive that on some level you love them and always will...

I love many people outside my husband, kids and other family... I have many friends and co-workers that I feel love for... people who fall under Webster's definition for sure... So to everyone who has ever heard me say "I love you" please know that after careful thought and consideration... I can honestly say... I mean it..

This Valentines day... I think we should all take the time to shoot the people we love a small Valentine message and tell them we love them... Unfortunately, you never know when they might not be with us... Life is so often unpredictable and random... take every opportunity you can to tell those you do, that you love them... Don't be afraid... Just do it!!

Love is not a feeling... It's an ability

~ Marty,

Dan in Real Life

P.S. - To the one I stole this music from~ I couldn't find a more appropriate song, though I did try... and it is what started me thinking about this subject anyway. Please forgive me.

Markelle's Weekend

2009-02-05T08:23:00.000-08:00

Markelle Rae Frei

December 16, 1995 ~ February 10, 2006

To everything there is a season. A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die:

A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted:

A time to kill, and a time to heal:

A time to break down, and a time to build up:

A time to weep, and a time to laugh:

A time to mourn, and a time to dance:

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones:

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing:

A time to gain, and a time to loose:

A time to keep, and a time to throw away:

A time to tear, and a time to sew:

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak:

A time to love, and a time to hate:

A time of war, and a time of peace.

~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8~

The time for all of these things is now. This weekend will be the 3rd annual "Girls Weekend" for myself, Heidi, Amy, and Jamie. The term "Girl's Weekend" might have some thinking about the Vegas strip or Girls Gone Wild... But our purpose is very different from that.

For us, a loss that cannot be labeled binds us and weights on our hearts. Markelle, my neice, Heidi's daughter, Amy's precious patient and Jamie's cousin, entered the gates of heaven on February 10, 2006. We said our final good-bye and had the most wonderful farewell and tribute to her on Valentines Day. Each year we come together on the anniversary of her death to remember her and spend much needed time grieving.

Markelle was the most incredible spirit. So full of life. Her very smile made you want to be a better person. She literally touched each and every life she came into contact with and left a footprint in your heart that will never be forgotten.

Markelle loved being together as a family more than anything. She loved watching the babies play as well as hanging out with her much older girlfriends... her mom... Jamie and Amy mostly... but also her other nurses and caregivers. She was on a level that made her compatible with all ages. She loved art, and baby dolls and pajamas. She loved camping and watching TV, and she loved being just like her big sister Mikalie.

For the four of us.... How do we move on after loosing someone so special? The answer is... we don't... We can get a job, start school, have more babies, move to another state, get married, do all the things we need to do in order to get through life... even enjoying and loving a good part of it, but somewhere inside us, time stands still and at least a part of us will be always be in February of 2006. This weekend gives us the opportunity to return to our grief and share it in a safe place. Together we share our memories, our happiness, our regrets and make a new pledge to raise our kids with as much knowledge of Markelle as possible, to keep her memory fresh.

On the first anniversary, we felt like it was very important to get Heidi away from the stresses of her own life and give her an opportunity to focus only on herself... The rest of us realized how much it helped us too.. No matter where we are, or what we are doing, we will always gather early in February for what has become a very precious time...

So... We will come together tomorrow to eat, drink, cry, laugh and enjoy just being together in a time we choose to set aside to honor Markelle.

Read Markelle's Obituary.

Markelle didn't need to be a mom to bring life into our family...

Markelle's name lives on... Addison Rae

Goodbye again precious butterfly...

Groundhog Day!

2009-02-03T08:41:00.000-08:00

Each year on February 2nd Punxsutawney Phil pops out and predicts whether we will be having 6 more weeks of winter or if summer is on the way... Yesterday he said.... 6 more weeks of winter. Bummer. I was really looking forward to putting away the sweaters and breaking out the sunscreen. Here are a few facts about Punxsutawney Phil.. Who lives in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania and is the original and ONLY true weather predicting groundhog..

Yes! Punxsutawney Phil is the only true weather forecasting groundhog. The others are just impostors.
How often is Phil's prediction correct? 100% of the time, of course!
How many "Phils" have there been over the years? There has only been one Punxsutawney Phil. He has been making predictions for over 120 years!
Punxsutawney Phil gets his longevity from drinking the "elixir of life," a secret recipe. Phil takes one sip every summer at the Groundhog Picnic and it magically gives him seven more years of life.
On February 2, Phil comes out of his burrow on Gobbler's Knob - in front of thousands of followers from all over the world - to predict the weather for the rest of winter.
According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring.
No! Phil's forecasts are not made in advance by the Inner Circle. After Phil emerges from his burrow on February 2, he speaks to the Groundhog Club president in "Groundhogese"(a language only understood by the current president of the Inner Circle). His proclamation is then translated for the world.
The celebration of Groundhog Day began with Pennsylvania's earliest settlers. They brought with them the legend of Candlemas Day, which states, "For as the sun shines on Candlemas Day, so far will the snow swirl in May..."
Punxsutawney held its first Groundhog Day in the 1800s. The first official trek to Gobbler's Knob was made on February 2, 1887.
So the story goes, Punxsutawney Phil was named after King Phillip. Prior to being called Phil, he was called Br'er Groundhog.

There you go, Everything you wanted to know about Groundhog day and more... Hang in there, only 6 more weeks till the warmth of the sun will grace us again... You can count on it because Phil said so... ;-)

I love Nancy Grace!

2009-01-30T08:19:00.000-08:00

The truth is, since I no longer work or get out of the house for any other reason than to go to the grocery store, the hospital or to church.... I have been feeling a bit sheltered. To help me feel a little more in touch with the world that exists off Knoll Dr. I have been watching (and surfing) a lot of news so that I can stimulate my brain once in a while. I figure if I ever do apply for another job I should at least be able to carry on a conversation about who the new president is.... Or to be able to offer my stand on Sam Adams... (Portland's new gay mayor, not the new winter lager..) but my favorite news program is what some call trashy, but I like to refer to as, my all time favorite hag... Nancy Grace..

When she was in college, studying english lit.. her fiance was randomly murdered... This prompted her to change her major. She went into law, eventually becoming a special prosecutor covering felony cases with ABSOLUTELY no sympathy for the accused. She has made it big by becoming a legal analyst and appearing all over the place on CNN and shows like Larry King... Now, among other things, she hosts her own show each nigh on the HLN network covering large cases primarily where children are involved. She is hard and bossy and at first, a bit annoying. She yells at people on her show who try to see it from the "accused" point of view or who don't answer her questions the way she would like.. She will throw people off, cut them off mid sentence and frequently say "Woah woah woah! Back the truck up a moment!" to call someone on a statement they made that does not agree with her point of view... She is, in the same breath, so very sweet and nice to people who call her show with questions and nasty and bitter to the defense attorney on her show trying to answer. I don't think she's always right, but she makes me cringe under my covers at 10 pm every night and laugh hysterically at the way she acts... she is currently covering the Calylee Anthony case. Which is not funny... I'm totally obsessed with this case and feel soooo sorry for this baby. I can hardly wait each day to see the newest development on the Nancy Grace Show. As a matter of fact, If I see something on the internet or in the news... I am always hesitant to check it because I sort of want to stay loyal to Nancy... (weird I know..) I believe this case will be blown wide open any day now and I'll be tuned in to see all the gory details...

Some people really HATE Nancy... If you google her you will find websites like ~nancygracemustdie~ and all sorts of bogs protesting her harsh nature... she was even accused of causing one person to commit suicide after being interrogated on her show... Probably that was already in the works... just bad timing for Nancy... but who knows.. she is harsh, no doubt about it!!

Of course I believe her to be somewhat trashy and similar to those magazines I've become obsessed with in the checkout at the grocery store... but she gets the facts.. and she states the case... My husband, although sweet and patient, doesn't really like her at all... I'm sure most men don't. She's scary...

The First Date...

2009-01-22T18:26:00.000-08:00

The first date is a wonderful and amazing phenomenon. Oh I don't mean when you are 15 and you go to a movie with a bunch of friends... I don't mean a blind date when you haven't met your date... I mean the kind of first date that makes you crazy thinking about it... Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to be dating today for all the gold in Fort Knox.. I found and married my actual soul mate... but... aahhhhh... the feeling of the first date.

Recently a friend of mine had a "first date"... my friend happens to be female and her date happens to be male... which in this day, I think this information is relevant and needs to be noted. The excitement and anticipation was so much fun.. I think it should be posted..

First, you see the guy, he's good looking.. I mean, REALLY good looking and you imagine maybe talking to him... this might go on for some time, but then, through what can only be classified as fate, you end up engaged in a conversation with him. During this conversation you are stumbling over pronouncing your own name because your mind is chanting.. "I can't believe it... I can't believe it..." your heart is in your throat and you can't seem to steady your breathing. You are forced to take a step backwards because you suddenly realize that you didn't plan for this and just maybe you didn't apply enough deodorant this morning... The conversation ends after a surreal five minutes, and lets say, for whatever reason, he got your number. You have successfully burned 350 calories as the instant jump in your heart rate is better than 30 minutes of aerobic exercise. Plus, all the running to get to a safe place to call someone and spill the good news... You don't really know the guy, but you start counting all the things you have in common.... We are both human, we both have a head, we wear shoes in public... and he's sooooo cute.... oh my, this could be the one!!!

Then comes the wait.... you wait, and wait and wait... you've started strapping your phone to your arm just so you don't miss the call. You and your friends talk for hours about when the call might come in... you attempt to analyze the information, taking into account what little you do know, while reserving some dignity just incase he's not that into you... you guess 5 days because that covers all possible scenarios... just incase he has a vacation planned he forgot to mention... but if he calls before that time... it means he really IS into you!!

After an appropriate amount of time, almost when you least expect it, the phone rings and you look at the caller ID... because at this point, you NEED the warning.. you see that it's him.. you do a quick voice check... la,la,la,la,laaaa.... then flop onto the bed and start

twirling your hair, wait till the third ring and then answer like you are totally preoccupied by something.... then you recite the words you have been waiting to say... ''oh, yeah... hi" The preplaned casual response that says... 'I forgot you were going to call but I'm really glad you did... '

The call lasts two hours and you hang up with a real live first date!!

The call ended at midnight so it's not like you can call your friend and go over all the details, and by now you know that you have more in common than just inhabiting the same planet. You now have real connection... something to talk about... you stay awake going over every word, you don't want to forget anything so you can give a correct play-by-play when you finally to get to talk to your BFF. Two whole days till the date... 44 hours, 36 minutes... there is so much to do...

You spend the next two days thinking about what to wear and calling everyone you know to subtly let then know that if they want to talk to you on Saturday night you won't be available because you have a date.... You go to work, but don't really remember getting from start to finish because your mind is so busy thinking about... him... You go through your closet and find something cute and casual, but your friends think that you should buy something new... it's not like you will ever have this first date again... and suddenly, nothing in your closet is good enough for this guy...oh no... only 27 hours 6 minutes left.... When you imagine the moment of his arrival your stomach turns over and you feel warm and tingly through your limbs... You forget to eat lunch and then can't figure out why you feel like you could sleep for a week...

The day of the big date finally arrives.. it's all you can think about.. 10 hours 22 minutes... (but only 8 hours 22 minutes till the grooming process begins) you have to get busy or you'll be late. Of course no shower this morning, so you find a hat and do your best to look presentable. You head out to find that perfect something to wear, meet up with your friends... tell them everything you know about the good looking guy you have a first date with... grab lunch and shop, shop, shop... you find 3 or 4 perfect tops... but which to choose?? You buy them all... and head home to get the house cleaned up. He might look inside when he picks you up and certainly we can't have clutter... you try on every outfit you have until you come up with just the right combination and then you wait....it's an hour before it's time to take a shower... you lay on the bed and look at the clock and mentally will it to hit that exact moment when it's acceptable to begin the process of getting ready... you want to look your best tonight... but as any woman knows, if you give yourself too much time, you could ruin it.... not enough and there is too much stress... yes, there is an exact amount of time to allow for primping. You slowly shave your legs to get every hair... why? You are wearing pants after all... no good reason, but a woman just feels prettier when her legs are smooth.. You get out of the shower and check your whole face for any rouge facial hairs or eyebrows and get them plucked immediately... you apply lotion and body spray and powder and all the things woman put on to give us that "smell".... all the while, of course, the butterflies in your stomach are making you question weather you can really go through with this date after all... you begin thinking about things like... what if he doesn't like me...? what if I don't like him...? what if he wants a kiss..? What if he wants kids and a big white wedding...? Oh, wait.... sometimes it's hard not get ahead of yourself... he's sooooo cute!!

26 minutes to go... you are ready. Dang.. Too early. What do you do for the longest 26 minutes of your life...? Check your hair, pick up carpet lint... check your makeup, light a candle... check your hair, open a book.... check the clock, check your breath, check your smell, sit down and pretend to read... check your phone to make sure you didn't miss a call from him canceling... feel panic... call your friend, feel better... check your make-up, look out the window, check the clock.... sit down and pretend to read some more.... wait, wait, wait... and then finally... The doorbell rings...

Aaaaahhhhhh the first date...

Meet Mikalie...

2009-01-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

This is my niece Mikalie Joey Frei. That's Joy, like what you experience when you find true love... not Joey, like a baby kangaroo.. It's a family name that she loves and fits her perfectly. Mik, is what she likes, I call her Mikay. She's amazing, so amazing in fact that I feel the need to make an entire post about her...

Mikay is 14 years old. Sometimes she acts her age and sometimes she comes up with the most profound and insightful comments, I wonder if she's not really going on 30. She's in the 8th grade. If you listen to her talk about school you will realize that being in the 8th grade is a wonderful and very dramatic experience, unlike last year when she was just in 7th grade... I think they call them... sevies? She's much more mature now than when she was a sevie.. just ask her. She's a good student... but if she could text in all her assignments, I'm sure she would be an excellent student... her thumbs are quick and accurate, but I'm sure she will need some sort of surgery on them by the time she is 17.

She wakes up at 5:00 am to take a shower and do her hair to meet a 7:15 bus. Her hair is so long and beautiful, but takes her about 2 hours everyday to perfect and most days she comes home with it in a pony tail anyway.. I guess it doesn't matter what it looks like once everyone has seen it looking it's best for at least a few minutes each day. I get that logic.. Some mornings I see her wearing three or four different shirts before she finally decides on exactly which one fits her daily mood best.

She lives and breathes by her phone. If she's misplaces it for even a minute (which, by the way, I have only seen happen once) the entire house comes to a standstill as the panic settles over us and we begin to follow the "lost cell phone" drill we've been taught. To locate said phone, but don't touch it!!! just point it out so that Mikalie can retrieve it. Her phones is hands off for the rest of us.. don't answer it, don't open it, don't even look at it... I suppose some of you might be saying that's because she must have something on there she doesn't want us to see... maybe that's true at times, but she does still have a mom who frequently plays the "because I said so" card and reads through the text messages... She's fairly tame in all that she says, but once I did she her get her mouthed soaped for using less than lady like language.. I have it on video just in case her future husband needs to see it... She really is a good girl.

She is a photographer... she loves the camera, she takes more pictures than I do if that's possible... the difference between me and her is that she only has one subject.. herself. There are memory cards full of pictures of her... all at arm's length or if she's feeling really creative, a picture of her taken in the mirror, with the camera out of view... It's a difficult shot really, takes practice and patience... she's the master of it.. all the pictures of her on this page is her work.. Most of the shots are in black and white, more dramatic that way, most with kissy lips and then various other accessories such as the "peace" sign, sunglasses, occasionally a friend or her brother... she's good huh? Helps to have a beautiful subject.. But what do I do with 200,000 pictures of Mikay???

Mikalie is a friend of the people. She is friendly with most everyone. She doesn't really allow herself to fall victim to "clicks" or groups of people who have so much drama. Mikalie believes in peace, love and happiness. She would actually make a great hippie if she could stay away from the mirror for an hour or so and ditch the make-up. She sort of flits around making friends where ever she goes. She's a good friends but will bail if the person she is friends with is rude to another, or to her. Oh, sure she's had her own girl drama it's true, but mostly because she ends up having to defend herself for hanging out with someone another person might not consider "cool" enough. That is a big turn off for Mikay...

Mikalie is saved, she has a strong believe in Jesus Christ and wants to live according to His word.... she is also funny, witty, sensitive and sassy... she has a mouth on her that will defeat even the best debaters... She is fun to tease and most days takes it well. She is giggly and dramatic and crazy.. I am proud beyond words of the way she has faced some very adult situations and survived with her head held high, still looking for the good this life has to offer. I love having her as part of my family. I look forward to watching her cut her own way through this crazy world... She will definitely make a difference... watch and see!!

Random Facts..

2009-01-16T12:49:00.000-08:00

We all have quirks, pet peeves, idiosyncrasies... Things that make us unique and special (not always the good kind of special either). I have lots of habits... not any of them good either. But there are a couple of things about myself that even make me wonder if I'm playing with a full deck.. I'm noting these things because my friends deserve a pat on the back for putting up with me sometimes. If you seen any of them on the street, give them that hand shake or hug that says.. "good for you, you angel of mercy"...

I know where every single bathroom is in any building I have ever been to. It's the first thing I start scoping out when I enter any structure.. A restaurant, mall, bank, grocery store or even the Wal-Mart... I won't consider enjoying any outdoor activity until I've spotted the Port-A-Potty.. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I've peed in some pretty questionable places, I'm not proud of it, but unfortunately I'm not the person who can hold it until I get home.. My point is however, that once I have used any particular stall of my choosing... I must use that stall every time. Oh, it's not that I fear change, I worked at Western Millwork for 15 years... the company who's motto should be "if you don't like it, stick around, it will be different tomorrow"... I can't really put my finger on what the problem is... It's not just bathroom stalls either.. I get a little snippy if someone takes my parking place... or even if my kid takes my seat at the dinner table.. It's so bad that I even get irritated if someone else doesn't park in their parking space.. (appointed 'theirs' by me in my head, sometimes unbeknownst to them...) It's a problem that seems to be getting worse with age, (yes, I'm getting to an age where it's okay to say that). I recently worked with a group of guys who, I believe, parked in a different spot on a regular basis to upset me and knock me off kilter... It worked every time. I take the same route to work or school or the grocery store every time and am visibly irritated when my husband varies from the course, and when I arrive, I park as close to the same spot as possible. When we go to the hospital I will actually circle around until I get a spot on parking level 4 and if the nurse puts us into an examination room other than #4, I ask if we can switch. I sit in the same seat in waiting rooms and use same checkout line at the grocery store if possible... Please don't think I'm Adrian Monk or anything... I WILL vary if necessary... but I don't like it!! What is the name of my problem and is there a medication? Can the obsessions be transfered to.... oh... say my house work??? or the laundry, were I seem to find it difficult to remember how I accomplished the task last time?? It's something to think about... Suggestions please.

The other disorder I seem to be suffering from is the fear of mouth noises... I'm sure there is a name for this, something unpronounceable that makes it sound incurable and fatal. I can't listen to chewing, or swallowing, or biting or crunching... or swishing!! that's the worst.. I would rather hear the crushing of my own toes under the wheels of my husbands truck than hear someone swallow a hot sip of coffee.. I even have to move away from my own sweet child when he's at the table making all sorts of sucking and chomping noises with his mouth, that turns my skin inside out... I can't comfortably eat chips with other people, or heaven forbid, talk with a friend while they are crunching on the ice left over from a large fountain drink. It's bad.. Biting nails, picking teeth, slurping soup... nope, not near me.. I'm even grossed out by my own mouth noises if I'm not careful.. eating or drinking alone needs to be done with the radio or TV on... Help!!! I'm sure these things are not normal... But on the flip side... I find men who chew gum sexy... hmmmm... bizarre.

Well... this I guess did not really needs to be discussed.. but I'm sure you now see why my friends are saints and need to be acknowledged... Snaps for Allie's friends!!

It's a special day for Jess...

2009-01-14T10:23:00.001-08:00

How many special days a year should one kids get? Mine has so many it's almost too much to track... Let's see... Of course his birthday, that's a given... but then he has his transplant day, his "Gotcha Day", that's a big one, and let's not forget his actual adoption day and I guess now we will have an end of chemo day... That's a pretty major milestone if you ask me. Today however, we are talking about his Gotcha Day... Basically the day we got him.. It's a bit confusing for us however... we actually got him on the 12th of January, meaning that we were awarded custody as parents.. but we brought him home and introduced him to our family on the 15th.. so which day do we celebrate?, both are meaningful in their own way... Personally I choose to recognize the day we brought him home. Because we had unsupervised visitation of him in Nebraska several months before we could bring him home, it's wasn't exactly new for us to have him in our arms and sleeping in our bed, we had already been blessed with time alone with him... although once the paper is signed it's admittedly different.. The new and VERY exciting part was getting to bring him home with us... to meet his brother and sister and cousins... what an incredible day for us..

He got on the airplane and immediately started to cry hysterically... which was not so normal for him, he's always been a pretty happy kids who transitions well... but, the plane we were on was one of those puddle jumpers planes that seat like 30 people and you have to sort of bend over because even in the center isle it's not really tall enough... I was pretty frightened myself... Jesse held on to his new mom for dear life and soon fell asleep in my arms.. The best plane trip of my life.. I remember the clothes we brought him home in... he was so stinkin' cute.. I remember seeing my family at the bottom of the stairs at the Salt Lake Airport and started crying I was so happy... (note: anyone who know me well, knows that the crying part is nothing special... I cry at dog food commercials....).

So.. Today, or tomorrow actually, we acknowledge his Gotcha day... He still has no clue what that means.. I start tell him about his adoption and his eyes go sort of glassy and pretty soon he's checking out the paint bubbles on the wall and not listening to a word I'm saying. He's really not interested in hearing about his story.. Which is okay, someday he will and I'll be ready to tell him.. For days like today, he loves to call them special no matter what the reason.

What do you do for a kid who has 5 or 6 special days a year??? Nothing is what we do.. We acknowledge it and tell him how much we love him and share stories and tell him he's special. But.... no parties, no gifts, no excuses from homework or chores.. Heck, a guy as special as him would spend his whole life in the 4th grade if that were the case... ;-) We just make sure that he knows how luck we feel to have him as our kid...

How convenient would it be to have his end of chemo day and his gotcha day be on the same day...? Super convenient, and possible because his scans are tomorrow... which could make it true.. Nice..

Here's to Jesse's Gotcha Day....

Cancer Sucks!!

2009-01-13T08:44:00.000-08:00

I keep a Caring-bridge page for Jesse's update's. He has Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, or at least did have it. He was diagnosed on August 28, 2008. We have been fighting the battle against the big "C" word for 5 months now. The updates I give on the other site are very accurate and true, I don't really sugar coat any information... but the things I don't say are the things I'm screaming to say.. so here goes..

Cancer Sucks!! It does.. even a little bit of cancer sucks. Jesse does have only a little bit. The tumor in his belly was the size of a small football, so that part was huge. So big in fact that it wrapped around his bowel causing too much pressure resulting in a hole. Basically it popped his bowel.... wow, how big does that have to be? Of course there were other contributing factors and the details were not pretty, but for about two weeks I think I was pretty sure we were going to loose our precious baby... That was a stupid time I unfortunately won't soon forget. (Back to the part about only a "little bit"...) One tumor in the world of cancer is really only a little bit.. not matter how big the intruder, it's only a" little bit" if it's only one tumor... Many times with lymphoma it can spread to your whole Lymph system causing tumors all over your body, or spread to your blood stream so you have cancer cells floating freely and randomly throughout your blood stream... now that's a lot of cancer..

I say it sucks because even if it's only a little bit... it's still life consuming. Thought consuming, time consuming, energy consuming, stress consuming, sleep, work, play, school, emotionally consuming and the list goes on.. I'm positive that not one second in the past five months has been about anything other than cancer... Can you imagine if he had something really, really bad? I've seen really, really bad... I CAN compare... But... because of the fact the I have seen the worst (and it's not us)... and it is only a little bit of cancer... I don't really feel entitled to be as upset as I actually do... and that part is the suckiest!!! (does that count as a word?) Being the grown up sometimes bites when you are the mom....

Yes, it sucks for Jesse, his beautiful hair, and eyelashes are gone.. the color of his skin sometimes look like ash and the dark circles around his eyes remind me of those kids you see on the paid advertisements on TV for 'Save the Children'.. But, for the most part, he actually feels better than he did the months prior to his diagnosis... Which is wonderful to see and he has made so many friends with his nurses, and he has Gage... who, for Jesse has made this whole experience bearable, even fun...

For me... it' s not all bad either. I have three of the most fabulous friends on the planet. The four of us are one pair of traveling pants away from a major motion picture. A Sisterhood that would be far more epic than anything YaYa or magic pants wearing... I love them and they are a wonderful warm pile of rocks for me... (but that's a different post completely). And my husband.. boy did I hit the mother-load there... a man every woman wants and I have. He's amazingly strong, and caring and sensitive and supportive. I am truly the luckiest woman on the planet when it comes to family and friends. And a bit sappy huh???

The chemo period in the Fontenot household is almost over (I think) Jesse has scans on Thursday and hopefully that will be it... the tumor should be gone. If it's not, we'll cross that bridge next week... but if it is, we close the treatment door and open the maintenance one.. For the rest of his life we will be visiting the cancer clinic along with transplant clinic for regular check-ups... could be worse I guess... Yes.. it could be a lot worse.. I still say it SUCKS!!

Allie's Random Life..

2009-01-08T14:36:00.000-08:00

I looked up the word Random in the dictionary. I love Webster's. I have an old tattered copy of the Webster's Seventh New Collegiate edition, copyright 1970, I keep it handy at all times, It's been with me for about 16 years. It's far better than the computer. Sort of comforting, like an old blanket. The world random means: (according to Webster's): lacking a definite plan, purpose, or pattern. Basically the story of my life... Oh of course we all have an idea of what our lives should look like, and a purpose, but what we are so often given doesn't seem to match exactly... Which is not bad at all. I sort of look forward to the random places I know are ahead of me, of course with all with wisdom I've gained from the past...

As you all know I was in a horrible auto accident when I was seventeen... The day my life changed direction forever I guess you could say. I would call that accident random for sure.. but for all I've been through I can not say that I'm sad the accident happened... I believe we are stronger and better people for the trials we've survived. Usually anyway..

Lacking a definite plan.... yep that' s pretty much it.. My life in a nut shell. Something new nearly every day.. This blog I think is my way to cope and write the soap opera that is my life. Read or don't read, either way, the junk will be here.